"Mom, you're beautiful, you're lovely and I want to be like you."
Wow, it doesn't get much better than that, does it?
Here's Nede with some very special friends.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
lord help us
Today was just a normal day.
But I tried to take notice.
It all started just the same as any over the last 20 months. Nede wide awake and me trying to peel myself out of bed. Today she was laying on the bed next to me looking at a book. When my alarm went off for the 4th time she said, "Mom you can press it one more time then I want porridge." Since I haven't learned anything over the last 20 months when I finally did get myself out of bed we had to hurry.
"Nede get your uniform on, what are you wearing today? Your school dress or school pants?"
"Well done, now wash your face and put your lotion on."
"Okay, have you made your bed?"
"What do you want on your porridge?"
"Okay, brush your teeth....hurry, socks, shoes...we needed to be in the car 2 minutes ago. Let's go!!!"
I finally got us out the door, my coffee in hand. I roll down my window to greet the guard. Off we go with him wishing me a good day of work.
I enjoy the brief car ride with Nede to her school. As we pull up I say a quick prayer of blessing for her day and she reaches over and lays her hand on my leg, "Lord, bless Mommy's day..."
With a quick kiss on the forehead she's off.
I then get my iPod out and find some good music to slow my mind as I enjoy the 30 minute drive to the clinic. I fall back to the favs that I've played millions of times. The ones that I need to hear to remind me that I'm not alone in this. The ones that iTunes reminds me that I've listened to over 450 times.
I need to be reminded today.
When I arrived at the clinic I needed a couple more minutes to myself and to just be alone. I prayed for God to encourage me today because when I step out of this car the masses come looking for answers to their life problems.
The morning passed and at 1030 my stomach was long past the mornings porridge that I had inhaled with the morning rush. I started to feel tired.
I then was asked to drive a couple people home-- just up the road but too far for the child to walk again. With a fever of over 104 and malaria wearing his body down, of course he shouldn't have to walk home. I gladly drive them. Then I feel it again. Overwhelmed, tired, stressed, depressed. I need one of those songs again....
"I've never given up so much for you....
this time I knew the voice was you,
so I gave all I gave...
sometimes it feels you're not there...
sometimes it's hard to love the choice I chose...
it seems you've disappeared...
but now you're here.
Yesterday I wasn't sure
praise God you're here.
I've been waiting for a fathers love to carry me...
Now you're here just like the sun after the rain
now you're here just like the calm after the wave
Yesterday I wasn't sure
praise God you're here.
YOU'RE STILL HERE
NOW YOU'RE HERE
i don't mean to sound surprised that you'd be near
yesterday I wasn't sure but now
you're
here
still
here
(Here by Katy Kinard)
And just then, one last glace before I get back at it in the clinic, I see a beautiful butterfly on a flowering geranium. I'm reminded of the book I'm just finishing. Notice the simple blessings because "thanksgiving always precedes the miracle." (One Thousands Gifts by Ann Voskamp)
"Thank you Lord for that gift. I'm sorry I have such a time noticing that you are here."
I had a moment.
A moment of embracing this life. This gift.
I soon forget. I'm soon annoyed at the mother who isn't understanding my Portuguese. A moment later I'm raising my voice at the young girl who doesn't even know that her baby brother has a fever and a respiratory rate of 70. I'm furious at the negligence of these precious children.
I can't wait to go home now. Come on 2 o'clock.
My stomach's hurting again. I pray it's not malaria.
I get back in the car to enjoy some music and be reminded again. Back to "You're Not Alone", "Safe Place", "Here", "God I Look to You."
I cry.
I cry 'cause I'm tired.
I cry 'cause I don't know what's going to happen next.
I cry 'cause I can't notice the blessings around me.
In a place where I have to depend on the Lord each day for the money for my food, my car, my daughters school fees. I have to ask for continued health, I have to ask for strength in being a mom, a leader, a communicator, a friend, a nurse. I cannot be here without the strength of the Lord because I am nothing in this place. This dark place. But, I've never been hungry. I've hardly been sick. I drive my car, I hug my daughter and still...still I can't find God. I can't notice the blessings around me. I ask for help again.
I pick Nede from school.
We buy our vegetables at the market.
We're late home. My colleague is waiting.
I give Nede a popsicle so she's busy while I have my meeting.
We talk about how to transform a community and how to encourage a community to love and care for the vulnerable children among them, because, you don't need money to build relationships. You don't need money to love.
Lord helps us.
Now I need to cook, have guests coming for dinner.
Bathtime Nede.
I take my cold shower.
Guests are here, dinner is ready. I relax and enjoy.
We spend much of the time talking about poverty. About how to help the poor. How to live in Mozambique and be like Jesus would have been or wants us to be.
We don't have the answers. Again,
Lord help us.
And here I sit, mosquito biting me under this desk and I think of a recent conversation I had.
"Life is a practice."
Yes, I agree.
Today I didn't practice what I would have liked.
Maybe I did a bit, tomorrow's another chance.
When I'm really honest--
LORD HELP US.
But I tried to take notice.
It all started just the same as any over the last 20 months. Nede wide awake and me trying to peel myself out of bed. Today she was laying on the bed next to me looking at a book. When my alarm went off for the 4th time she said, "Mom you can press it one more time then I want porridge." Since I haven't learned anything over the last 20 months when I finally did get myself out of bed we had to hurry.
"Nede get your uniform on, what are you wearing today? Your school dress or school pants?"
"Well done, now wash your face and put your lotion on."
"Okay, have you made your bed?"
"What do you want on your porridge?"
"Okay, brush your teeth....hurry, socks, shoes...we needed to be in the car 2 minutes ago. Let's go!!!"
I finally got us out the door, my coffee in hand. I roll down my window to greet the guard. Off we go with him wishing me a good day of work.
I enjoy the brief car ride with Nede to her school. As we pull up I say a quick prayer of blessing for her day and she reaches over and lays her hand on my leg, "Lord, bless Mommy's day..."
With a quick kiss on the forehead she's off.
I then get my iPod out and find some good music to slow my mind as I enjoy the 30 minute drive to the clinic. I fall back to the favs that I've played millions of times. The ones that I need to hear to remind me that I'm not alone in this. The ones that iTunes reminds me that I've listened to over 450 times.
I need to be reminded today.
When I arrived at the clinic I needed a couple more minutes to myself and to just be alone. I prayed for God to encourage me today because when I step out of this car the masses come looking for answers to their life problems.
The morning passed and at 1030 my stomach was long past the mornings porridge that I had inhaled with the morning rush. I started to feel tired.
I then was asked to drive a couple people home-- just up the road but too far for the child to walk again. With a fever of over 104 and malaria wearing his body down, of course he shouldn't have to walk home. I gladly drive them. Then I feel it again. Overwhelmed, tired, stressed, depressed. I need one of those songs again....
"I've never given up so much for you....
this time I knew the voice was you,
so I gave all I gave...
sometimes it feels you're not there...
sometimes it's hard to love the choice I chose...
it seems you've disappeared...
but now you're here.
Yesterday I wasn't sure
praise God you're here.
I've been waiting for a fathers love to carry me...
Now you're here just like the sun after the rain
now you're here just like the calm after the wave
Yesterday I wasn't sure
praise God you're here.
YOU'RE STILL HERE
NOW YOU'RE HERE
i don't mean to sound surprised that you'd be near
yesterday I wasn't sure but now
you're
here
still
here
(Here by Katy Kinard)
And just then, one last glace before I get back at it in the clinic, I see a beautiful butterfly on a flowering geranium. I'm reminded of the book I'm just finishing. Notice the simple blessings because "thanksgiving always precedes the miracle." (One Thousands Gifts by Ann Voskamp)
"Thank you Lord for that gift. I'm sorry I have such a time noticing that you are here."
I had a moment.
A moment of embracing this life. This gift.
I soon forget. I'm soon annoyed at the mother who isn't understanding my Portuguese. A moment later I'm raising my voice at the young girl who doesn't even know that her baby brother has a fever and a respiratory rate of 70. I'm furious at the negligence of these precious children.
I can't wait to go home now. Come on 2 o'clock.
My stomach's hurting again. I pray it's not malaria.
I get back in the car to enjoy some music and be reminded again. Back to "You're Not Alone", "Safe Place", "Here", "God I Look to You."
I cry.
I cry 'cause I'm tired.
I cry 'cause I don't know what's going to happen next.
I cry 'cause I can't notice the blessings around me.
In a place where I have to depend on the Lord each day for the money for my food, my car, my daughters school fees. I have to ask for continued health, I have to ask for strength in being a mom, a leader, a communicator, a friend, a nurse. I cannot be here without the strength of the Lord because I am nothing in this place. This dark place. But, I've never been hungry. I've hardly been sick. I drive my car, I hug my daughter and still...still I can't find God. I can't notice the blessings around me. I ask for help again.
I pick Nede from school.
We buy our vegetables at the market.
We're late home. My colleague is waiting.
I give Nede a popsicle so she's busy while I have my meeting.
We talk about how to transform a community and how to encourage a community to love and care for the vulnerable children among them, because, you don't need money to build relationships. You don't need money to love.
Lord helps us.
Now I need to cook, have guests coming for dinner.
Bathtime Nede.
I take my cold shower.
Guests are here, dinner is ready. I relax and enjoy.
We spend much of the time talking about poverty. About how to help the poor. How to live in Mozambique and be like Jesus would have been or wants us to be.
We don't have the answers. Again,
Lord help us.
And here I sit, mosquito biting me under this desk and I think of a recent conversation I had.
"Life is a practice."
Yes, I agree.
Today I didn't practice what I would have liked.
Maybe I did a bit, tomorrow's another chance.
When I'm really honest--
LORD HELP US.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Nede's growing up. It really does happen fast, doesn't it? It's hard to believe this is where it all began...
I'm grateful she calls me Mommy.
And now we've celebrated multiple events together as a family, Nede and Dara...
I remember saying before returning to Mozambique that all that matters is that we're together, whatever that looks like. And it's true. Being able to be a part of changing this beautiful child's life can only be called a miracle! And she bring SO MUCH JOY! I know I can safely say that that joy isn't just appreciated by me. She radiates JOY! Just look at that toothless grin, who wouldn't want to be involved in her precious life?
I'm grateful she calls me Mommy.
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