growth

It’s been incredible to be a part of watching Nede grow and progress. From the first day when she stayed with me and she had a worm infested belly, a head of ring worm, just healed burn wounds on her feet, open sores, underweight, malaria and pneumonia. She has gained 3 kg (2 in the first weeks, as you’ll see) and grown about 2 inches in the 6 months.

June 17th, Nede’s first day with me

June 22

July 10

July 24

Aug 24

Nov 2

Dec 18

But, more importantly than seeing her grow physically was the gift that she gave me on Christmas eve. She had no idea what was happening or what Christmas eve is, but, as we sat under our tiny Christmas tree lights reading the Christmas story and answering her questions, I was touch by her growth. Before heading to bed we were saying our usual prayers and as Nede prayed I knew what really has mattered in these 6 months. Nede, a 5 year old, prayed for several minutes for about 20 people that she KNOWS love her. Many she hasn’t met, but through SKYPE, phone conversations and stories she KNOWS that she is loved. She knows I love her. She knows Jesus loves her. She knows that our expatriate friends here all LOVE her. She knows that there are MANY at Hands at Work who LOVE her. She knows "Vovo, Papa, Uncle Trevor, Auntie Disa, Taylor, Micah, Oliver, Addilyn, Seth” LOVE her. She KNOWS that all my friends and family that we pray for LOVE her. She has known LOVE for 6 solid months now. And, if all this stops tomorrow. She has received LOVE.

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13

merry christmas

It’s my prayer that knowing our story, seeing this face and hearing the voice, speaks the Christmas story. Say a prayer, take a moment, and listen to JOY coupled with HOPE…

For unto you is born this

day in the city of David a

Savior, who is Christ the

Lord. Luke 2:11

For the Son of Man came

to seek and to save the lost.

Luke 19:10

All we need to do is love.
Very Merry Christmas to you.
xoxo

10 reasons not to do holiday baking in africa

1. Butter’s too expensive to have this many flops (like $6 a pound)

2. The price of eggs tripled last week. What is going on?

3. The humidity and heat makes rolling out anything unsuccessful

4. It already feels like it’s a bazillion degrees in the kitchen, who thinks it’s a good idea to turn on the oven?

5. The oven heats outside itself more than inside

6. No microwave

7. Apparently it does make a difference to do conversions from the recipes in cups to grams. Approximations don’t work.

8. Things don’t taste the same when you can’t buy half the required ingredients and apparently I don’t know the right substitutions

9. Just another thing to give Nede a reason to ask, “why, Sistah Dara?”

10.  Makes me only dream of a white Christmas

(Okay, look at that face. It hasn’t been all bad:)

Helping us, help one

On3design 

Please read the following and support my dear friends Al and Lyndsey. A brief summary of their story is below. If they raise enough money with this fundraiser they may be able to come to Mozambique to visit Nede and me, that is our hope! Their story and mine has been intertwined for years now, the Lord has used them to encourage and support me and it’s because of how God has used them in my life that I have developed into the person I am today. Please, allow yourself to be moved by their story as well.

FROM AL AND LYNZ:

** Update on the expanding Johnson family! ***

We have something for you…that will help us.

When this is all finalized we will have been pregnant for about 27 long months.  However, this October when Ethiopia sent the first pictures of a little girl, the last 2 years melted away instantly and a new excitement arose.  We can go get her now, we can pray for someone by face and name, we can plan and visualize our first meeting.  Though we have never heard her laugh or held her little fingers, her pictures and our hearts tell us it seems so right that we get to share life with her…and the beginning is finally in view.

Out of respect for Ethiopia and the adoption process we have not been able to “publicize” our new little joy.  Lyndsey, Signe and I tell everyone we meet about our new “baby sister”, we have Mazzy screen savers and pictures on family refrigerators.  If we were allowed, we would have made Facebook announcements and photo albums that would make even the burliest manly-man go “OH, FOR CUTE!”

What we can tell everyone is this; we have been so blessed to be partnered with a little girl, who, when she gets “home” will be somewhere between 1 1/2 and 2 yrs old.  Her name is Mazzy, with little round cheeks and big beautiful eyes.  And, from what we can tell, she is NOT prepared for the mass of uncontrolled smoochies she will receive once the Johnsons get a hold of her.

But we have something for you, and just in time for Christmas shopping.

Starting in mid January, Lyndsey, Signe and I will all fly across the world to meet Mazzy.  The “usual” series of events follows with going to court, telling them we want her as a part of our family, fly home, wait….and wait…and wait, 6 to 8 weeks later we fly back to Ethiopia and bring her home once the paperwork is final and Mazzy gets to begin her life of tickles, being a princess, and probably the continued daily dose of smoochies.  With individual plane tickets costing the same as the average college student’s car – we ask for help.

We want to present to you a t-shirt, hopefully something you would value in its statement.  For us, the Johnsons, we are learning, more and more the deep truth behind “Each One Matters.”  From the view of adoption it is clear our intentions – to opt to value someone’s life as important enough to make them a daughter and a sibling.  From the view of life, we are learning about God’s view of us, of the people at work, of the strangers at the store, of you.  I will never fully understand it, but for some reason YOU are His favorite, I am His favorite…Each One of us Matters to Him, and probably more than we will ever know. Growing in this understanding has prompted us to brainstorm of ways our family could stay in Africa for those 8 weeks and try to be “life-bringers” in more ways than just adopting.  The t-shirt is a token for you – to keep in mind and proclaim that, yes, you did take part in an adoption process, bringing Mazzy home, but more importantly that you want to live knowing YOU matter, the dude at the bus stop matters, the kid that lives on the exact opposite end of the world from where you are standing matters…matters to a God who’s love is so amazingly big we are ALL his favorite…and He most likely has a bucket load of smoochies for each one.

You can order these sweet tee’s right here! (designed by the lovely and talented Jordan of Tin Cup Designs) If the website’s wording sounds weird it’s because this site is created for ordering photos…

So, to complete your Christmas list in one shot with t-shirts for everyone:

Click HERE.

Passcode: Adoption

Click “Enter Gallery”

Orders will be taken until Tuesday Dec 14th!

If you have not heard “the story” of how adoption was placed into our lives I strongly encourage you to read the note 3+1 on my (Al’s)  Facebook…OR ask, we love telling it.  The story of us being given the opportunity to adopt, reveals much about how God LOVES creating “beauty from ashes.”

Thank you for your prayers, for asking “how’s the adoption going,” and for any help in all the different ways.

Smoochies -

Al, Lyndsey and Signe Johnson….and Mazzy too.

PLEASE GO CRAZY AND ORDER! YOU’LL BE TOUCHING AL, LYNDSEY, SIGNE AND MAZZY’S LIFE, AS WELL AS NEDE AND ME!!!!

people magazine

Remember last year when I was part of planning the HIV/AIDS event in Minneapolis? One of the speakers was Carloyn Twietmeyer, mother of 13 (6 of which are adopted) and founder of Project HOPEFUL- helping adoptive parents adopt children who are positive with HIV. She and her family are featured in the December 6th issue of People Magazine. Since I can’t go out and buy one will someone do so and tell me all about it? Carolyn has been a HUGE encouragement and inspiration to me through my time here in Moz. They were also recently on Katie Couric!

HIV/AIDS is destroying the continent of Africa and still shaming all those who are infected globally! An entire generation is being wiped out here leaving millions of kids alone- broken, wounded, unloved- with few to help them make any sense of it, as if there is even any sense to be made. Please, search your heart on how you are being called to care, because, you are! And, I promise, even through the struggle, there is joy in the battle! I love you Nede and all your little African brothers and sisters who are hurting.


Truth Pandemic Click on this link to see a great video and share it!

and this CBS NEWS

this week

It’s interesting what seems to be wired into Nede’s DNA- She loves working in her “mashamba” (field). We planted some tomatoes and potatoes the other day. We managed not to lose any toes, too, which was a good thing;)

Thank you Vovo for our new dresses!

My mom sent a package with homemade matching dresses for Nede and her doll. Nede was thrilled and thought the pocket was perfect for 3 lychees!

chocolate!

I’ve been in the dumps lately. Deep dumps.

It’s as if an accumulation of everything now has me under a weight that I can barely lift off me to get up in the morning. I am not sure some days if I’ll be able to get Nede to preschool in time or not. Nights plagued with interrupted sleep and days of sweating and exhaustion have me crying out to the Lord, “how long, oh Lord?”

I pray for even brief moments of peace, grace and hope. I received that today.

Nede woke from her nap in the midst of a pretty loud thunderstorm. She has showed some fear of thunder in the past- running into the safest arms she can find. Today wasn’t much different. Upon awaking she was super snuggly and just clung to me and settled in on my lap. As I rocked her back and forth and we listened to “How He Loves” I reflected on where Nede would otherwise be. Afraid in a straw house with no one holding her? It was in that moment I too felt like I was being held. For a brief moment I felt safe like I couldn’t be touched, that all is going to be okay. I tried to savor it because even now I’ve lost how that felt. I am sure there were arms of love wrapped around me. In the moment, I was confident I was right where I was supposed to be.

Then, Nede abruptly ended it all by blurting out in a whiny shrill, “I want chocolate!”

She then ate chocolate during the storm. I think she felt safe, secure and loved.

happy thanksgiving

I've been trying not to think about the fact that today is Thanksgiving. If I allow myself to think too much, I run the risk of losing all composure not knowing when it could be regained again. And, as you know having a child see you lose it makes for a rough day and a lot of back pedaling.

I do love this time of year in my culture and I do want to reflect on thankfulness. Of course there are many things to be thankful for. There are all the obvious things but I want to share something more, something I have never experienced before.
This year I am so thankful for the people of Hands at Work and a community of support I have here in Mozambique. I fight tears just reflecting on the love and support I have felt from many.
It seems as an organization we talk about “community” and what it means to be part of a “faith community.” And, like many things, it’s easy to sit around talking about good theories and the way things should be, right? I am thankful that I have been able to be part of more than just talk. Over the course of the last 8 months I have shared many trials and triumphs with a few from Hands at Work who have been able to be here in Moz with me, and with many more through text messages and emails.
We have a phrase here that has been way over used, “Estamos juntos”, “we are together.” I used to sort of chuckle as it was said so often BUT recently I’ve seen it played out in my life. There have been many difficult things going on and it’s been remarkable to feel the love and support of people, who just because we believe in the same things, are now walking a difficult road with me. They have chosen to help me carry my burden and fight my cause with me. This, I marvel at!
We’re obviously not perfect, and yes we sit around talking about how to care for the vulnerable and what our role is in caring for the poor, but in that we respond the BEST we know how and we do it together. Because we, as an organization believe that “in the counsel of many there is wisdom,” I turn to this when I’m alone and in need of discernment. I am now praising the Lord with joyful thanksgiving that I am experiencing the body of Christ chasing after the Lord’s heart which is caring for the poor and vulnerable and loving one another. It’s a beautiful thing to be a part of. I am thankful for the beautiful people who have been drying my tears and walking this road with me! I am SO THANKFUL for YOU!
[I tried to get Nede to sing a song, “Thank you Jesus” in her 3 languages, but, at the beginning she started singing her favorite—Happy Birthday (she must sing Happy Bday at least 15 times/day!) I am also not sure my uploading is working but I hope you can see a glimpse of her sweetness!]
HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Enjoy every bite of whatever fills your stomach today and love on those around you. This done beautifully is so worthy of praise!

this is nede

I feel like this series of pictures tells a lot about Nede. She doesn’t lack in the personality department, as you’ll see…

 

Finally…a real smile!

“i want God to come here”

The other night after I read Nede her Bible story and prayed with her, she was tucked into bed and I was getting ready for bed. I was in the bathroom when I heard her say, “Sista Dara?”

“Yes Nede?”

“I want God to come here.”

I sort of sighed, not knowing how to respond and thinking how I too would love to be able to visibly greet God at the front door. I realized then how unprepared I am to answer these difficult questions of a 5 year old. In my feeble attempt I said, “Nede, He is here. He’s with us.”

Confused she looks at me and says, “Brother Marc is God?”

Oops. Um, no.

We’ll have to continue to work on her understanding of all this. :) Any suggestions?

(The power went out the other night and our freezer started to defrost. Marc collected the ice and made this snowman- complete with a carrot nose and all. I tried to talk to Nede about snow and I sang “Frosty the Snowman” but, again, it’s far too much for her little mind. One day she’ll see the real thing!)

grocery shopping

Now that we’re living in town Nede and I can walk to the grocery store. I was a bit nervous yesterday as we left and she insisted on carrying everything home. I am afraid her strong will may get me in trouble someday. I did insist to carry the ream of paper but she managed both bags. She’s so fun!

rejoicing

I had a great day yesterday. Much to my surprise I got a message that my first document for Nede that I have been waiting for for almost 4 months was complete! I rejoiced!

Nede went to bed and I was still on my high from the events of the day. I sat down to email my group of what I can “Prayer Warriors for Nede.”

Once I finally settled down I went to bed. As I snuggled under my mosquito net I decided to check my email on my phone one last time before nodding off to sleep.

Then I cried.

I cried because I got an email of encouragement and rejoicing from a women I have never met. Someone who has faithfully been emailing and supporting me because she also believes that God’s heart is to care for the least of these.

I cried because I got an email from one of my sisters close friends who has also adopted and she reminded me that there will be a day when I look back at these hard times and know each tear was worth it.

I cried because I got an email from my dear friends that will soon fly to Ethiopia to meet their daughter. We’re rejoicing together.

I cried because I got an email from a women whom I’ve met once. She and her husband hosted an event for me before I left Minneapolis where I shared the whole story of Nede’s mother and Nede. They now FAITHFULLY pray for me and encourage me and rejoice with even the smallest progress.

I get emails from people from so many different chapters of my life. And I am encouraged, moved and strengthened by this. God uses so many to speak to me through. In a dry and weary land, at time it’s God showing himself in these ways that helps me press on.

I must have fallen asleep with a smile on my face last night feeling cradled in His safe, strong arms. It’s such a joy to share this difficult, yet wonderful, experience with so many.

And then, I woke up this morning, rolled over to let Nede in bed with me and there, where my back had been, was a dead cockroach!

Nice.

And so continues my journey.

George in Minneapolis

Hands @ Work: AIDS Crisis Response

Campus & Location:

Bethlehem Baptist Church Downtown, 114

Date & Time:

Tuesday, November 23, 2010 - 6:30pm - 9:00pm

"Love God, Love your Neighbor"—How do the two great commandments fit into the response of the global Church to the AIDS crisis in Sub-saharan Africa? Come hear George Snyman, founder of Hands At Work Africa, share about how his organization mobilizes the Church to care for AIDS orphans throughout Africa and what you can do to be a part.

For more information, contact Peter & Katie Steen (612-616-7465).

George coming to US

(taken from Hands at Work website- www.handsatwork.org Please notify me if you need to get further information and I can direct you to someone who knows)

Hands founder, George, to take a tour of 'duty' in the USA

George Snyman's six-week tour is underway. He will spending time in the UK and Canada before visiting the USA. Spending nearly three weeks in the country, he will be speaking in Wisconsin, Illinois and Minneapolis from 3 to 23 November.

George is known for being an encouraging - and sometimes challenging - speaker. He will not only be talking about Hands at Work, but also about our mandate as Christians to respond to poverty. Not to be missed!

Date Wednesday, 3 November

Venue University of Wisconsin-Madison with Poverty Stops Here

Time 08:00pm

Date Thursday, 4 November

Venue Grace in Racine, 3626 Hwy 31, Racine, WI

Time 07:00pm

Date Friday, 5 November

Venue Glenview Community Church, 1000 Elm Street, Glenview, IL

Time 07:00pm

Date Sunday, 21 November

Venue Cornerstone Community Church, Orange County

Time Both Sunday services

Date Tuesday, 23 November

Venue Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, MN

Time 07:00pm

we’ve moved

and we’re happy we can call it our own

and it’s, yet again, a glimpse of God’s faithful provision

happy birthday nede

I think today is Nede’s 5th birthday. There’s some controversy but we’ve claimed it to be and we celebrated! I enjoyed it as much as Nede. As we ate cake and drank icy Coke from the bottle I looked around the room, not knowing (again) how I got here, but SO GRATEFUL for how God places the right people with me at the right moments in time. It was a joy to celebrate Nede’s birthday with my “Hands at Work family” and my dear friend Sarah.

Nede was overjoyed with her party- she changed dresses 3 times during the short celebration and Uncle Sal and Brother Jaap spoiled her with new earrings and hair accessories in which she modeled around all to beautifully, making me nervous for teenage years;) 

My mom made matching dresses for Nede and her doll- she’s so proud!

Our birthday guests- Uncle Sal, Brother Marc, me, Nede, Uncle Jaap, Paula and Uncle Stephen. Sarah was the photographer.

Lord, bless and protect Nede’s 5th year of life! Make a way for us to have many more celebrations together!

dear dara

Dear Dara,

I am your friends sister-in-law. I heard your story and am touch. I believe with you in what you are doing. The Lord will sustain you. I have read your story and it’s evident how the Lord has directed you. I, and my other Christian Sisters, are praying for you.

God Bless you and Nede, you’re in our prayers and we support you!

Love,

One Who Believes (a mother who has adopted)

*

Dear Dara,

I am your friend’s sister-in-laws friend. I heard your story and am touch. I believe with you in what you are doing. I believe it’s hard, waiting is difficult. It may sound trite to say, but the Lord’s timing is perfect, I have experienced this. My husband and I support what you are doing. Please know you are in our prayers and we want to rejoice with you when this is all said and done.

Blessings to you and Nede, you’re being prayed for.

Love,

Another Who Believes (a mother who has adopted)

*

Dear Dara,

I believe in what you are doing. You have heard my story and you’ve been touch. My timing is perfect. I know it’s hard but can you see where I am there with you? Rest in my arms and wait. I support you. I hear your prayers and the prayers of those who Believe. I am rejoicing over you and Nede.

I am blessing you.

Love,

The One Who Adopts (a father who has adopted)

*

These are 2 letters (summarized) that I recently received. The last is one that I believe I would received if things worked that way.

questions and no answers

Last week I was a part of a clothing distribution at one of the community-based organizations we work with. It’s nice to see piles of clothes and eager children come to receive something of their own. As wonderful as it all is I struggle being a part of this sort of thing.

And now, everything is in a different light.

Now as I watched hundreds of children dressed in shreds (that are grubbier than my worst household rags), I see Nede. I see Nede in each child I pass on the bush roads. I know Nede is no different from each of these children who doesn’t know where their next meal will come from. This is Nede. This is what Nede comes from. The only difference is that I have been given the opportunity to give Nede something more. I have taken in Nede with a determination to never again allow her to have to look, feel and experience what she comes from. 

But, I can’t help by break for the rest of these children? It hurts me to my core. Knowing I can’t “save” all the children I still have this strong conviction that each of these children deserves what I’m trying to give Nede. It’s not supposed to be this way!! It’s not even the clothes on her back that are important, it’s not the well-balanced meals I try to provide. What each of these children need is to hear someone singing over them, “I love you, I love you, Jesus loves you.” Each child deserves for someone to stand over them watching them sleep with a hand on their head blessing them. I, of course, hope that some of these children do get this in their homes.

All these children are orphaned or vulnerable children (OVC) which breaks my heart, they likely don’t know how much God adores them. They have all either lost a mom, a dad, or both. I don’t know what that would be like. I can’t imagine it.

It makes no sense. The more I experience I am left with more questions than answers. There’s suffering everywhere I look. There’s hurting and heartache. It’s really aweful BUT I praise God that in my obedience to be back here with Nede I do have moments like the other day when I sang “I love Nede!” and I heard in return, “I love Sista Dar-da!”  And when we pray when she’s in bed at night she often puts her little hand on the top of my head and jabbers on in prayer for quite some time. Sheesh, those moments are worth more than anything I can imagine.

I bet God wishes all of us could experience something so real—for ALL of His children, young and old.

Travis, Bees and a Plunger

I wish someone could tell me who Travis is.

It made me laugh when one of the guys came to the office one day wearing a new navy blue fleece with the name “Travis” embroidered on the right chest. I always find it humorous when someone wears a shirt, obviously intended for someone else. What’s even funnier is that Timosse isn’t the only one with this “Travis” shirt. I have now been noticing it EVERY where! “Travis” is at the market, “Travis” is at the office, “Travis” is at Shoprite, I passed “Travis” on the road, “Travis” is in Beira. Really, “Travis” is everywhere. The same navy blue fleece with a yellow sailboat. “Travis”.

I wish someone could tell me who “Travis” is and why he ever needed so many fleeces!

*

Bees!! I returned home from Chimoio to a lovely hum of a bazillion bees entering my roof and house, again! There’s a hole between the roof and exterior of the wall and apparently this seems like a nice place to call home!!! They aren’t welcome! I tried Carlos’s smoke technique, with little success. I used almost a whole can of “Doom Super (Deadly Killing Action)”—little success. I even parked the truck as close to the house as possible and then stood on the top of the truck to try to reach as close to the hole to spray the Doom. Finally the sun went down and they settled in, TO The HOLE! EESH, we’ll see what tomorrow brings!

*

I simply wanted to by a PLUNGER in town today. Our toilet is working ok but it doesn’t seem to have the oomph that it used to have so I’ve been thinking something was clogging it a bit. So, in Chimoio today I thought I would try to buy a plunger at Shoprite. As I looked I started to think about how a plunger probably isn’t that common here. Of course some people have flushing toilets but most don’t. To my delight Shoprite did have a plunger which I bought without hesitation. Well, after I fought the bees off for awhile I thought I would give it a whirl! WELL, I had no idea that a plunger could work SO terribly. It formed NO seal around the area it was supposed to plunge. I hopefully continued to try to “plunge” thinking it could “grab” a grip somewhere in the plunging action. NOPE, it actually wrinkled and inverted almost clogged the toilet itself! I surely never knew that there could be such a terrible plunger.

There’s always something.

Travis.

Bees.

Plungers.

a couple photos

Is she not beautiful??? Sheesh…I couldn’t get the little stinker to stop praying this morning to eat her breakfast! What a great “problem.”I’m trying to learn how to manage her hair! It’ll be  a process. :)

is this it?

I wonder how many times I have sung worship songs like—Lord, I give you my all. Take my life. All to Jesus I surrender. You are all that I need. You are my all in all. Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. Praise you in the storm. He gives and takes away…the list could go on.

I have sung, seemingly from the heart, many songs about how I would do anything for the Lord. I have said prayerfully that I would sacrifice EVERYTHING, surrendering it all to be in the midst of God’s will. It was pretty easy for me to sing those things when I was comfortable at Highlands church in Scottsdale or at Campus Crusade while in college surround by lots of fun-loving peers. The words have been pretty simple when I’m surrounded by family and friends which is often where I draw my strength. I sure feel willing when I am comfortable.

Now? Now I feel I am starring at the very words that I have sung. I’m now wondering if this is what I was agreeing to then. I thought they were from my heart all those times but now I wonder where that strength has gone. I sort of feel like I a hypocrite. Now, when my life is harder than it’s ever been, I feel alone, tired, frustrated, scared, overwhelmed, confused, burdened. Not knowing what to do with myself I now think back to all these songs I sing knowing that this is it. This is the time to do what I used to just sing about. And do I have it in me to do just that? To give it all up. To surrender to a plan that is completely out of my control. Will I really accept whatever the outcome may be? Will I really give up all “my” plans for what the Lord has for me? Surrender and sacrifice. For the first time, I am trying to understand their meanings and am wrestling with living them out in my life. I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I knew what I was saying/singing before. I don’t know. I have doubts, many of them. I guess it’s good to leave the church (the physical building) and start to BE the church where I am. It’s more than a building isn’t it? This may be what it means to be a Christian. Perhaps I am now understanding the practicalities of what it means to be called by Christ. It’s not easy but there’s a verse that says, “When I am weak then He is strong.” Lord, I am giving you lots of room to be my strength! I’m learning it’s a journey and there’s lots of grace along the way. I’ll keep staggering on drawing on with those words I’ve recited many times.

culture

The phones and internet have been quite dodgy over the last few weeks. Here’s something I wrote a few weeks back-

I’m always surprised when I find myself in a situation and I feel like I am viewing poverty for the first time. It happened again yesterday. I was visiting at a home of, as Pascua would say, real “bush people.” I sat there looking at their meager to no belongings and just couldn’t believe it. I felt like I was in a dream, or was it a nightmare? I was having flashes of my life in America- all that I’ll go back to and looking at them and thought-- NO ONE should have to live like this. No one, not even my worst enemy would I want to live like this. I sat there angry almost. Thinking about the Mozambican culture—a culture I feel I understand less and less each day I am here. I try to understand spiritually why there is such a vast contrast in quality of life in the “West” and the rest of much of the world. Then I think about the standards in my culture and I am angry too. That isn’t right either. So now I just hate culture in general because I seen that none is right. Then what am I left to do. What can I think of all this as I feel responsible for the oppression that I have/am a part of—the colonization that occurred by our ancestors, the history of America, the present state of America and the responsibility we now play in this very home I am sitting at. What is my role? What do I do with this that is tearing my heart out again for the first time?

As I returned home I needed a break. I needed time to process this day. I needed time to talk to the Lord. Gratefully I was able to find this time.

As I sat with my Bible and my journal I didn’t know where to read so I started writing about the injustice of this all. I feel confused in my own culture. I feel confused by the Mozambican culture. I feel angry still. Then, such freeing words rang in my ears. Kingdom culture. God is just.

I realized, all I can do is “seek first the Kingdom of God” and do what I know God has/is calling me to. No culture is right. No worldly culture is okay. It’s all about the culture of God. What is my role in His culture? I can go crazy trying to understand these earthly cultures or I can seek the Lord and trust that all that He leads me to is the culture I’m to pursue. Yes, there is injustice, too much of it, but God is just. What He calls me to is to be part of His culture. No one or culture can tell me what is right or wrong within where God leads.

I love how Greg Boyd ends many messages when he preaches. He either concludes his prayers with, “and all of God’s kingdom people said- AMEN!” Or his final words are, “GO OUT AND BUILD THE KINGDOM!”

Amen to that! I am finding MY culture! KINGDOM CULTURE!

(This isn’t how I played with my toys when I was 4… culture)

Eee…Banana!

Nede said with a sense of urgency as we got in the car today for her to go play with Carlos’s kids, “Eee. Sistah Dare-dah! Frio (cold in portuguese). Banana.”

“What Nede?” as she crossed her arms to indicate that she is cold.

She then pointed to the house to tell me that she forgot her “banana.” I then showed her that we had bananas in the car. She clearly didn’t mean to be saying that she forgot her “banana”. She had forgotten her sweater.

Poor things, she’s confused between 3 languages!

Peace

Nede’s at Pascua’s and I am enjoying a cup of coffee and reading my Bible without interruption for the first time in weeks. Times of peace and quiet are priceless now. Through all my fatigue, early mornings, temper tantrums and giggles I am experiencing more and more what an honor it is to be called to care for a child, a child who has been born into oppression.
In Psalm 72 (vs 4, 12-14) Solomon writes  about what a perfect leader would look like. It says,

Help him to defend the poor, to rescue the children of the needy and to crush their oppressors.

He will rescue the poor when they cry to him; he will help the oppressed, who have no one to defend them.

He feels pity for the weak and the needy, and he will rescue them.

He will save them from oppression and from violence, for their lives are precious to him.

Honored to be helping one, as God leads

little eyes

I was recently taken back when I realized how much Nede is watching me. Of course I knew this but when I realized that she has already changed within 2 weeks I was a bit shocked and scared actually. The “habit” that I noticed was while she’s brushing her teeth. It was obvious when she first was with me that someone had taught her to brush her teeth quite well. I was shocked (well done Sarah! Thank you!). I have been told in the past by a few close friends that I am “the messiest tooth brusher” that they have ever known. Well, I think Nede has noticed and is enjoying the freedom it brings! Shame, that is not what I want to teacher her!

Okay, so this is a VERY small thing but it was a strong reminder. It reminds me of the children’s song that says,

oh be careful little eyes what you see

oh be careful little eyes what you see

for the Father up above is looking down in love

oh be careful little eyes what you see

These are important days. Denise always reminds me that “the world is watching”. It’s true isn’t it, my “world” has just come a bit closer now.

Be careful little eyes…

(playing Disney Princess Memory. What a great thing to find in my house!)

“For ME?”

I wish you could hear her little squeaky voice each time she says, “For ME?? Sista Dar-da, FOR ME??” I hear it a million times a day it seems as Nede asks in complete amazement about EVERYTHING and if it is for her. “Sista Dar-da, Sista Dar-da (sometimes mutating into Sista Dar-doo), for ME?”

The food I prepare for breakfast, “For ME?”

The tangerines I buy at the market, “for ME?”

The eggs I hard boil, “for ME?”

Things she doesn’t even know what they are, “for ME?”

Emily visiting, “Sista Dar-da, Emma, FOR ME?”

I feel like I don’t quite understand all that is wrapped up in those two little words. “FOR ME?”

Insecurity?

Fear?

Bewilderment?

Unbelief?

Hope?

I’ll never understand what is going on in her little mind and all that she has been thinking/feeling over the last 3 weeks. She’s unable to express much, and/or, I’m unable to understand her Shona.

Sometimes I even get frustrated and annoyed and just want to scream, “YES, NEDE IT’S FOR YOU!” When I am tired (which is a lot lately) her voice isn’t always sweet to my ears, but that is nothing about Nede, it’s about me and it’s then that I need to check my heart. Today at one point, I am not sure what exactly I was dealing with at the time, but, I didn’t want to be doing it—whether it was on an early morning trip to the toilet or if she was scared of a cow 100 meters away I didn’t feel like being compassionate. Then, then I was reminded of Jesus saying: “ Whatever you do to the least of these, you have done it to me.” Matt 25:40

This isn’t about me. It’s not even about Nede. It’s surely not “for ME” (as in Dara). It’s for HIM! It’s for Jesus because it means something to Him that I gave Nede a hug, kiss and an apple today. “No, Nede, not for you. For Jesus.”

I pray one day she’ll have blessed assurance. Assurance deeper than her basic needs being met. It’s my hope all her wounds will be healed, not by me, but by God- our healer. I pray she won’t have to ask, “For ME?” with such expectancy too much longer.

For today, “Yes, Nede, for you!” Smile.

What now?

Bridget sent me some CDs a few weeks back and one of the songs on it speaks my heart. It brought me back to truth this week. I’m tired and with that comes room for much doubt, fear, questions and feelings of being totally overwhelmed. These are the words to the song, I am not sure who sings it (Steven Curtis Chapman, maybe?) but it really is the journey I have been on over the last 2 years:

I saw the face of Jesus, in a little orphan girl.

She was standing, in the corner, on the other side of the world.

And I heard the voice of Jesus, gently whisper to my heart.

“Didn’t you say you wanted to find me?

Well, here I am, here you are.

So what now?

What will do now that you found me?

What now?

What will you do with this treasure you found?

I know I may not look like what you expected.

But if you'll remember  this is  right where I said I would be.

You found me…

What now?”

Wow! What now Dara? When I am tried and feel a total loss of “freedom”, what now? Do I want to be anywhere else than where I have found Jesus. No. This is not what I expected but it is where I found Jesus. It’s only when I start thinking as the world thinks that I really fear or question what I am doing.

The last words of the song are:

So come and know.

Come and know.

Come and know me now.

What will you do now that you found me?

What now?

What will you do with this treasure you’ve found?

No, I may not look like what you’ve expected, YOU FOUND ME!

I’ll keep going because I have found Jesus in a treasure, and this is what I was looking for.

 

I’m not happy, I’m joyful

I have had Nede staying with me for the last week and it has been a pure blessing. Not to say that there haven’t been times where I have thought, “what am I doing? Who is this child and why am I waking at 5am to a small voice saying ‘Sista Darda (sounding like dare-dah) poo poo.’” I have sat on the floor of every room of this house trying to persevere beyond the strength of a 4 year old temper tantrum wanting bread for the 4th time in the day. I have also contemplated that this could mean I’ll be single for the rest of my life and may never go on a single date again. BUT…

In the midst of all this I feel such deep, pure- hearted JOY! I am not happy, it’s much deeper. It’s what I have not felt in a very, very long time—if ever. As I ponder this I think that it’s because I have chosen to surrender to something that is so close to the heart of God. It’s WAY bigger than me and it’s God. It’s that simple. Believe me, I am not special or doing anything extravagant. I have just found myself, as I desire to please, serve and worship my Father God, being led, beyond my own choice, back to Mozambique for this small child. As I was rereading a book called “Scarred by Struggle, Transformed by Hope” I was touch by this and it’s appropriateness to me today:

Surrender is what cleans off the barnacles that have been clinging to the soul. It is the final act of human openness. Without it I am doomed to live inside a stagnant world called the self.

I do want to surrender, to surrender all of me in a act of worship to have something deeper and real—to be a part of something with TRUE JOY- something of the Father God’s heart.

Nede.

I wish I could tape her giggle for you all to hear. I wish you could see her smile every morning when I assure her that there will be breakfast. In an attempt to fight her fear of being hungry I have made her a basket that I fill with snacks. It’s waiting for her every morning when she wakes up. She is now learning that once these snacks are gone they aren’t refilled. She can eat them anytime during the day but once they are gone, they are gone. She carries this basket around with her everywhere we go (sometimes on her head like in this picture). It’s like the Easter bunny has visited every morning. She’s delighted with it. This morning her cookies were gone before breakfast and she finally was eating her raisins in bed tonight;) Nothing else was left:)

In an attempt to surrender self, in the simplest terms, it’s a challenge not be bothered by Nede eating bread and hard boiled eggs while falling asleep in my bed. And I am trying to get over the fact that she chooses, and insists on wearing, day time clothes to bed and pajamas during the day and she doesn’t know the difference. Or that she actually eats and drinks out of the miniature plastic tea set I bought for her from Shoprite!

I have spent the past year and a half, at least, waiting for this week. I have also spent much time and prayer making sure it isn’t an attempt to fulfill anything that is lacking in me, or my life. I don’t believe this is about finding my “purpose” or “fulfilling me”. It’s all my relationship with the Lord and the journey He has me on. While in the States for about 13 months I somehow lived in the hope that the clothes I was collecting for a four year old and the children’s Bible and books that I hid away in my dresser drawer would indeed someday be needed for this child. In faith, I took the risks of expecting that I would have a week like this, with Nede in my home. I continue to walk in the same faith, not fully satisfied that this is what it is all about but fully expecting that this is something the Lord planted in me and it’s just the beginning of a long life of sacrifice. 

I believe part of my joy is also linked to having to depend on the Lord. I HAVE to have faith that this has all been led by Him and His ways are good, perfect and won’t leave me broken. Rather than fear at this time of risk and sacrifice, I am trusting that as my faith is challenged and grown there is, and will continue to be sweetness in the journey. So, no matter what bumps and challenges are ahead, and there will be many I am sure, His grace is sufficient and at least, right now, I have a bubbling joy as I invest in something beyond my “SELF” and say, "Lord, I worship you with my life!”

Maybe I write this to continue to convince myself and cheer my own self on but, I believe, no matter what happens the joy of these days is of the Lord, and that is what life is to be all about!

 

(I have much more to say about the grace that I continue to experience, how WELL Nede has adapted and what I am thinking about hunger and what I see in Nede, but that’ll have to wait. I know a long post (like this one) is hard for some to get through- TREVOR!)

Sharing my life with a 4 year old

I can’t even articulate my thoughts…

Nede and I recited this verse many times today, she repeating after me:

“This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it!” Psalm 118:24

 

I’m off to bed. With this precious one breathing heavily in the bed next to mine. Bless her Lord and thanks for YOUR PRAYERS! This is the start of another incredible journey…more soon!