"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:19
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
my Christmas wish for you
If I could have one Christmas wish this year, if I could sit with anyone and look deeply in their longing eyes, I'd wish for them to be uncomfortable. Yes, to live uncomfortably.
You may think that's a lousy wish and you most certainly will turn down my next invite for a cup of coffee. But, if you're thinking this, then I mean it most for you.
Okay, obviously I need to explain myself...
Over the last number of years it's been in my greatest discomfort where I've received my most treasured riches. It's when I deliberately made choices to be uncomfortable-- to be a single mom, to move to one of the poorest countries in the world, to give up a respectable job, to choose to face death where there is no support in the process-- It's through all of these choices where I've gained the most.
I wish it weren't so my friends, what we've been taught since we were wee, I wish I weren't trying to dispel a lie but the fact of the matter is, we weren't meant to be comfortable. What you may think is discontentment, or the desire for more, what keeps you striving, it won't be eliminated with more. Nope, the problem, I believe, is that you're too comfortable. It's not how we were meant to be. As I observe a much more "comfortable" life (and live one myself) my heartaches and my longings and discontentment resurfaces. It just doesn't feel right, friends, it's because it was never meant to be like this. You aren't meant to have it all together, not all picture perfect, not all in your own strength.
Dear friends, I'm sorry you've been lied to. The truth is...
"A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb, but to a hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet." Proverbs 27:7
So whether you make decisions, or life decides for you, may you taste and see (and even choose) the sweetness. I say with confidence, through the discomfort, through the times when you "want out" you WILL experience, you WILL hear from, you WILL RECEIVE all and more than you ever NEED, from HIM-- the giver of every good and perfect gift.
So ultimately, it's this, my Christmas wish is for you to be so uncomfortable that you, through knowing Him more, can live in the fullness of His blessings! To learn that EVERY BITTER THING IS SWEET. It's not easy, but it's sweet. It's good and it's learned.
It's because I love you and want you too to be filled with His best blessings. That is my wish for you this Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 7, 2015
a christmas gathering
If you'll be in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area on Wednesday, December 16th, and would like to join us for a holiday gathering to hear more about our work in Mozambique, please email me for details!
There will be door prizes too! And treats! We'd love to see you!
There will be door prizes too! And treats! We'd love to see you!
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
happy thanksgiving
Last Sunday, when Chad was sharing at a church, he shared about a patient that we've had the opportunity to watch change. As he spoke, as he so eloquently does, I had a moment, a moment when I remembered...
...I don't know, back 10, 15, 25 years?....
I imagined myself sitting in church and hearing a missionary speak, seeing pictures of what seems like miraculous life transformations...
And then, as if I had lost track of the present, I "re-entered" and realized, "Dara, that's your life! You are doing that now! You saw that! You know that story!"
And, not as if I "have arrived" but I realized just then
how thankful
I am. The life that I used to just dream about is mine. I feel so unworthy of it. Tears of thankfulness rolled down my face. I couldn't believe that those pictures were ours, that that is our life.
Since being in America I feel a sadness, an emptiness. I don't feel like I've "connected" deeply with many people I don't know why that is or what that means but it's left me wondering. I wonder how many people around me, who appear to have a "beautiful life", have really had the privileged of having that realization of gratitude, that the life they dreamed of, is theirs? I hope it's more than I think. Maybe I just haven't gotten to hear their story yet.
--As we reflected over Thanksgiving, I was filled with gratitude for oh, so many things! Primarily I'm grateful I decided to take the hard road, to go the less traveled route where many said, "wait!" Had I listened to the world's advise, would I have arrived, here, in my dream?
I'm thankful beyond these simple words!
Amen!
...I don't know, back 10, 15, 25 years?....
I imagined myself sitting in church and hearing a missionary speak, seeing pictures of what seems like miraculous life transformations...
And then, as if I had lost track of the present, I "re-entered" and realized, "Dara, that's your life! You are doing that now! You saw that! You know that story!"
And, not as if I "have arrived" but I realized just then
how thankful
I am. The life that I used to just dream about is mine. I feel so unworthy of it. Tears of thankfulness rolled down my face. I couldn't believe that those pictures were ours, that that is our life.
Since being in America I feel a sadness, an emptiness. I don't feel like I've "connected" deeply with many people I don't know why that is or what that means but it's left me wondering. I wonder how many people around me, who appear to have a "beautiful life", have really had the privileged of having that realization of gratitude, that the life they dreamed of, is theirs? I hope it's more than I think. Maybe I just haven't gotten to hear their story yet.
--As we reflected over Thanksgiving, I was filled with gratitude for oh, so many things! Primarily I'm grateful I decided to take the hard road, to go the less traveled route where many said, "wait!" Had I listened to the world's advise, would I have arrived, here, in my dream?
I'm thankful beyond these simple words!
Amen!
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
the homecoming
Phew...what a whirlwind we've been through over the last 6 weeks,
Some ups and downs that make the best of us long for and need a breather,
a deep breath.
All the emotions of leaving a house that's been a home for 5 pivotal, difficult years.
Moving into your first "family home" with threats of war within miles,
Blessing your team and leaving them to carry on the work and deepest calling of your heart,
And then, fighting the battle of bureaucracy, when your fight is tired of the 7 year battle.
But, you keep fighting don't you?
You keep pushing, in faith, because you know, that He fights for family,
He longs for unity, oneness and love.
Then finally, after all the blood, sweat and tears
To be part of this...
All we can say is, Thank you LORD!
That our little girl gets to experience this beauty,And be a part of 2 wonderful families!
To find words and ways to express our gratitude
Feels impossible.
You've walked with us when it was Dara,
Then Nede and Dara.
You saw the miracle when it became Nede and Dara and then, hmmm... "a friend".
Then you celebrated when we became Nede, Dara and Chad.
You watched us go from 1 Vanden Bosch
To 2
And now to 3.
Happy as a family, at home!
With all of this I am reminded of the words of Paul....
So it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart (Yes, each of you!). You share with me the special favor of God, both in my imprisonment and in defending and confirming the truth of the Good News (You saw us through so much!). God knows how much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus (Yes, indeed, I love you and your prayers SO MUCH!).
I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding (And know Him more through His beautiful goodness!). For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God. Philippians 1:6-11
(MUCH GLORY AND PRAISE TO HIM. AMEN!)
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
he's no ones priority
I've written about him several times before. How his story breaks my heart. How I've felt so blessed to be involved in his little life and seeing him change from malnourished and weak to cheeky and strong in himself. Now, my friends, I realize we live in a world that cares more about hunters shooting lions than my dear friend here. It's a world that would rather not know the corruption that's killing him. A place that's fallen so far from scriptural truth that I think God must be thinking again, "Are they ashamed for their detestable conduct? No, they have no shame at all; they do not even know how to blush." Jeremiah 6:15.
Friends, when I came home last night all I could say was, "he's no ones priority." And because of this, we're losing him. There's no one who makes sure he has his bath every day. There's no one making sure that he swallows his "tablets-for-life" twice a day. And, without an advocate, no one cares if the pharmacy steals half of his tablets so they can sell them for a bit of cash out the back door. Nope, his life is disposable because he's no ones priority.
And dear friends, this hurts my heart something fierce! And I know it will for some of you, too. If I'm honest, it makes me really angry that a lion who got hunted in our neighboring country got so much attention when we experience children who are living severely unjust lives primarily because the majority of the world doesn't care. It's surely not their fault that they're no ones priority. It then makes me think, what are my priorities? And, while I live in a world that's losing it's faith in ultimate truth, being the Bible, do I know what should make me blush? Do I have shame? How will I address the corruption that is killing him?
What are your priorities? Does our world make you blush? What are you willing to do to stand for Truth?
I know an 8 year old boy, that had no choice in the disease he was given, who has no mother or father, who really would like to be someones priority. Or, at the least, he would love for a few more people to stand for Truth and to stand with him in his prayer to be healed. Because, we wouldn't let "our priorities" lives come to a point that their only 8 year old requests are "Sister Dara, please pray that God will heal me."
My little friend, there's nothing I want more. You ARE HIS FIRST PRIORITY! Please pray.
Friends, when I came home last night all I could say was, "he's no ones priority." And because of this, we're losing him. There's no one who makes sure he has his bath every day. There's no one making sure that he swallows his "tablets-for-life" twice a day. And, without an advocate, no one cares if the pharmacy steals half of his tablets so they can sell them for a bit of cash out the back door. Nope, his life is disposable because he's no ones priority.
And dear friends, this hurts my heart something fierce! And I know it will for some of you, too. If I'm honest, it makes me really angry that a lion who got hunted in our neighboring country got so much attention when we experience children who are living severely unjust lives primarily because the majority of the world doesn't care. It's surely not their fault that they're no ones priority. It then makes me think, what are my priorities? And, while I live in a world that's losing it's faith in ultimate truth, being the Bible, do I know what should make me blush? Do I have shame? How will I address the corruption that is killing him?
What are your priorities? Does our world make you blush? What are you willing to do to stand for Truth?
I know an 8 year old boy, that had no choice in the disease he was given, who has no mother or father, who really would like to be someones priority. Or, at the least, he would love for a few more people to stand for Truth and to stand with him in his prayer to be healed. Because, we wouldn't let "our priorities" lives come to a point that their only 8 year old requests are "Sister Dara, please pray that God will heal me."
My little friend, there's nothing I want more. You ARE HIS FIRST PRIORITY! Please pray.
Monday, August 17, 2015
10 healing interventions
(Off to do a dressing change)
10 Healing interventions we've learned:
1. Visit regularly and do what we say we're going to do (ie. If we say we'll come back Monday, we come back Monday)
2. Smile, laugh, sing together.
3. Tylenol 4 times per day.
4. Asking questions. And, listening.
5. Making eye contact and a gentle touch just to say 'we care'.
6. Laxatives.
7. Audio players that sing songs of hope and tell stories of truth.
8. Lotion, soap, lip balm and tooth paste. Epsoms salts!!!!
9. A new capalona (the piece of fabric used for carrying babies, blanket, skirt, etc- everything!) with color that's not washed, faded and worn to shreds-- showing you're worth it and you're beautiful!
10. Prayer.
It's not rocket science, but it's making an impact. We're lovin' it!
Sunday, July 12, 2015
the miracle
It was easy a few weeks ago to send out a message showing the obvious "Lazuras effect" on one of my patients. The photos told the story, I got to be a witness to it. She was near death's door now she has a job. We call it a miracle, we rejoice.
More recently I had another patient. I've been challenged about sharing her story. In my eyes it lacks the "miracle" and the "awe effect". Her storie's just as real and significant but it could sound like a tragedy. The question in my heart is, was it a tragedy? Where were the miracles in her story? I believe they were there, they just weren't what we were praying for.
You see, her story is common. I don't understand it but I recognize it and I run into similar ones far to often. She has "the disease". Her husband isn't to be found. Her children are with her in-laws. She's alone. She's far from the hospital that she may need to visit monthly to keep "the disease" at bay. She grows increasingly weak. She lies to us-- until she trusts us. But even then, no matter how much we try to "educate" her on her disease, she either refuses to believe or just literally, doesn't care. And, like she said, "I'm tired of being sick." She doesn't want to treat it.
Finally, I had to just say to myself, all we can do is love her how she is. I want life for her. I want healing for her but when we ask how we can pray, her response strikes me hard, "Pray that Jesus will accept me."
She was tired of being sick. She didn't want to try anything. Her decision had been made. My team decided to love her through this. It was an honor to visit her as much as we could. She was still laughing when we showed up one day and she wasn't expecting us. She surprised us by saying, "What? Were you afraid you'd come back and I would have died!?" Yes, dear one, we were and we wanted to be sure you knew you were loved and cared for.
I pray Jesus did accept her last Friday, when she left us. I think He did. And, maybe there's no huge miracle blatant for you to see, but when my Love shared this Bible passage the other day, I knew I had been able to be a part of "the miracle":
After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. 10 And they cried out in a loud voice:
“Salvation belongs to our God,
who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb.”
who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb.”
13 Then one of the elders asked me, “These in white robes—who are they, and where did they come from?”
14 I answered, “Sir, you know.”
And he said, “These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.15 Therefore,
“they are before the throne of God
and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne
will shelter them with his presence.
16 ‘Never again will they hunger;
never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat down on them,’
nor any scorching heat.
17 For the Lamb at the center of the throne
will be their shepherd;
‘he will lead them to springs of living water.’
‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.’” Revelation 7:9-17
and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne
will shelter them with his presence.
16 ‘Never again will they hunger;
never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat down on them,’
nor any scorching heat.
17 For the Lamb at the center of the throne
will be their shepherd;
‘he will lead them to springs of living water.’
‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.’” Revelation 7:9-17
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
nede day
Five years ago,
I became we...
And now we are three!
Praising Him from a whom all blessings flow!
5 years ago today I sent the message, "she's here with me, now what do I do?" We've learned a lot together and I love where we've come. 5 (hard) WONDERFUL years!
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
dear aids
Dear AIDS,
I met you again this week. You've been successful one more time. You're not very creative. You try to destroy the soul the same way each time-- I can see it from far! The shame you bring, the brokenness you shower, the ostracism you provide, is rude. You're good at what you do, I'll give you that. But, I'm sorry to say, I won't give into it. I won't let you be. I don't care for your approach, because I know about something bigger, someOne bigger-- I guess you haven't read the Book. Or, the story for that matter. I am determined to use a different approach with your victims.
It may be greatly to your dismay that we're here to do the total opposite from what you gleam over. I'm determine to teach and raise up others to reject YOU, not those you affect. Because, like Jesus with the Samaritan Woman (John 4:1-24), even if I knew their past, it doesn't matter. I will not allow cultural rejection to stand between us, I will not allow disease to keep me away, I will not allow mistakes to ruin an entire life. Like Jesus gave living water, we come to try the same. [That's why we're called what we are, Mvura Ya Upenhu (Living Waters in Chetewe) Palliative Care] We WILL be there. Where you think you're being successful, we're here to destroy your ways, with truth. We will not run away. No matter what, we will stand and we will love those who you're trying to destroy! We're committed to speak words of life, truth, hope and love. I'm sorry to say, where you think you're winning, one by one, He'll redeem their souls. We'll show them love where you think you've destroyed their past. We'll point them away from you, to where they'll eternally know paradise. When you think you've destroyed enough here, may they know truth THERE-- where they'll never be alone, never cry, never believe lies and never feel shame again, EVER. Because like that Woman, "We know the Messiah. When he comes, he will explain everything to us. (John 4:25)" And until then, we come sharing mvura ya upenhu with our love. So, sorry AIDSs. We hate you but that's okay because we get to bring so much more!
Sincerely,
Mvura Ya Upenhu Palliative Care
PS- Jesus wins!!!!
I met you again this week. You've been successful one more time. You're not very creative. You try to destroy the soul the same way each time-- I can see it from far! The shame you bring, the brokenness you shower, the ostracism you provide, is rude. You're good at what you do, I'll give you that. But, I'm sorry to say, I won't give into it. I won't let you be. I don't care for your approach, because I know about something bigger, someOne bigger-- I guess you haven't read the Book. Or, the story for that matter. I am determined to use a different approach with your victims.
It may be greatly to your dismay that we're here to do the total opposite from what you gleam over. I'm determine to teach and raise up others to reject YOU, not those you affect. Because, like Jesus with the Samaritan Woman (John 4:1-24), even if I knew their past, it doesn't matter. I will not allow cultural rejection to stand between us, I will not allow disease to keep me away, I will not allow mistakes to ruin an entire life. Like Jesus gave living water, we come to try the same. [That's why we're called what we are, Mvura Ya Upenhu (Living Waters in Chetewe) Palliative Care] We WILL be there. Where you think you're being successful, we're here to destroy your ways, with truth. We will not run away. No matter what, we will stand and we will love those who you're trying to destroy! We're committed to speak words of life, truth, hope and love. I'm sorry to say, where you think you're winning, one by one, He'll redeem their souls. We'll show them love where you think you've destroyed their past. We'll point them away from you, to where they'll eternally know paradise. When you think you've destroyed enough here, may they know truth THERE-- where they'll never be alone, never cry, never believe lies and never feel shame again, EVER. Because like that Woman, "We know the Messiah. When he comes, he will explain everything to us. (John 4:25)" And until then, we come sharing mvura ya upenhu with our love. So, sorry AIDSs. We hate you but that's okay because we get to bring so much more!
Sincerely,
Mvura Ya Upenhu Palliative Care
PS- Jesus wins!!!!
Friday, May 15, 2015
receive and rest
Yesterday we were visiting one of our palliative care patients. He lives quite "far from civilization" by American standards in little more than a child's play fort, in our eyes. And, as per usual, after visiting for a couple months, he's in my heart and I love these visits.
As I was sitting with him, trying to figure out what more we can do to keep him comfortable and help him pass his days, today my thoughts were different. More than anything I wanted him to feel close to the Lord. With the fullness of my heart I wanted him to receive forgiveness, to have peace, to know that even if his legs aren't healed and he never walks again he can/will have the promise of complete healing one day-- he will be free from suffering and, he will no longer hurt. I wanted it so much for him. I wanted to just say, "Receive it. Believe it and rest in it. Do not let your heart be troubled my friend (John 14:27)." I wanted this for him. More than any pill I could give-- I wanted this!
But then, then I realized, is this how I'm resting? Is this how I'm walking today? If so, why was I up in the night worrying last night? What makes me unsettled? Hmmm....now I've been thinking.
Why is it so much easier for me to see for my patients the depth of God's love for them? Why do my words so easily flow, with all belief, sincerity and desire, for them to accept all He has for them?
Of course I deeply want all these things for myself as well but I'm full of excuses. "This is just too stressful." "I'm just tired!" "It's hard living here." Waa-- waa--waa...
So I guess, it's time I preach to myself. It doesn't matter what wars we've fought in. He doesn't care that we've goofed. Or that we're tired. Because, who we are....okay, okay. Who I am today, is good enough. It's perfect. He's got ever detail I'm concerned about. He knows my every thought. He's got it all. So have peace.
Have peace Dara.
He's the keeper of my soul.
I do want this desperately for you too. Let's work on it together.
Let's receive, and rest, my friend.
As I was sitting with him, trying to figure out what more we can do to keep him comfortable and help him pass his days, today my thoughts were different. More than anything I wanted him to feel close to the Lord. With the fullness of my heart I wanted him to receive forgiveness, to have peace, to know that even if his legs aren't healed and he never walks again he can/will have the promise of complete healing one day-- he will be free from suffering and, he will no longer hurt. I wanted it so much for him. I wanted to just say, "Receive it. Believe it and rest in it. Do not let your heart be troubled my friend (John 14:27)." I wanted this for him. More than any pill I could give-- I wanted this!
But then, then I realized, is this how I'm resting? Is this how I'm walking today? If so, why was I up in the night worrying last night? What makes me unsettled? Hmmm....now I've been thinking.
Why is it so much easier for me to see for my patients the depth of God's love for them? Why do my words so easily flow, with all belief, sincerity and desire, for them to accept all He has for them?
Of course I deeply want all these things for myself as well but I'm full of excuses. "This is just too stressful." "I'm just tired!" "It's hard living here." Waa-- waa--waa...
So I guess, it's time I preach to myself. It doesn't matter what wars we've fought in. He doesn't care that we've goofed. Or that we're tired. Because, who we are....okay, okay. Who I am today, is good enough. It's perfect. He's got ever detail I'm concerned about. He knows my every thought. He's got it all. So have peace.
Have peace Dara.
He's the keeper of my soul.
I do want this desperately for you too. Let's work on it together.
Let's receive, and rest, my friend.
Friday, May 1, 2015
she loves her daddy
I suppose we all keep learning about our children as they grow and we experience new things with them,
We've been having a family beach holiday over the last 5 days,
I've been reminded of the "newness" of our family.
Not so much Chad to me, but more Chad being Nede's father.
Part of these days have been robbed from me,
I've made myself a victim to worry,
I'm angry for it, but it happens.
I didn't quite relax.
And then yesterday, I watched intently while Nede played in the Indian ocean with her father.
My memories are from years ago, our first trip to the beach, whe Nede couldn't scale me high enough to avoid the waves,
But now, now today she plays with SUCH courage,
- Wanting the giant waves to take her out.
- Wanting to be washed up on shore.
As long as her father's watching, she knows she's safe.
If Daddy dives through a massive wave,
Nede tries (but with her nose plugged).
If he did a flip into the crashing wave, Nede soon learned.
As long as her father is near, she's safe.
As I watched this little copy cat,
I realized,
She's 100% confident with her father.
She trusts him completely.
She loves him fully.
She's found joy insurmountable in him.
And it hit me...
I need to learn what my daughter knows.
Do I live with my heavenly Father as she does with her earthly one?
Am I 100% confident in Him?
Do I trust Him completely?
Do I really love Him fully?
Fully enough not to worry?
Because
My Father is watching,
He always IS near.
I am safe.
I too, am safe.
We've been having a family beach holiday over the last 5 days,
I've been reminded of the "newness" of our family.
Not so much Chad to me, but more Chad being Nede's father.
Part of these days have been robbed from me,
I've made myself a victim to worry,
I'm angry for it, but it happens.
I didn't quite relax.
And then yesterday, I watched intently while Nede played in the Indian ocean with her father.
My memories are from years ago, our first trip to the beach, whe Nede couldn't scale me high enough to avoid the waves,
But now, now today she plays with SUCH courage,
- Wanting the giant waves to take her out.
- Wanting to be washed up on shore.
As long as her father's watching, she knows she's safe.
If Daddy dives through a massive wave,
Nede tries (but with her nose plugged).
If he did a flip into the crashing wave, Nede soon learned.
As long as her father is near, she's safe.
As I watched this little copy cat,
I realized,
She's 100% confident with her father.
She trusts him completely.
She loves him fully.
She's found joy insurmountable in him.
And it hit me...
I need to learn what my daughter knows.
Do I live with my heavenly Father as she does with her earthly one?
Am I 100% confident in Him?
Do I trust Him completely?
Do I really love Him fully?
Fully enough not to worry?
Because
My Father is watching,
He always IS near.
I am safe.
I too, am safe.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
a book for Nede
Dear World,
If you have been any part of hoping in, praying for and walking this journey, from this....
To this...
we want to make sure Nede knows about it!
I'm making a book to testify how God has used the prayers of SO MANY to make us a happy family.
I pray it will be a testimony for Nede for her whole life long. Please won't you--
1. Email me a picture of yourself (or with Nede)
2. Write a message to Nede of why you've prayed, how you've been involved in our journey, or what it's meant to you, etc. (keep it around 300 words, or less)
3. Send it to darajeanhillstrom@gmail.com
4. Forever be a recorded part of the tapestry of Nede's life!
Thank you for doing this and giving Nede a gift to always remember all who love her so much.
Much love back to you!
If you have been any part of hoping in, praying for and walking this journey, from this....
To this...
we want to make sure Nede knows about it!
I'm making a book to testify how God has used the prayers of SO MANY to make us a happy family.
I pray it will be a testimony for Nede for her whole life long. Please won't you--
1. Email me a picture of yourself (or with Nede)
2. Write a message to Nede of why you've prayed, how you've been involved in our journey, or what it's meant to you, etc. (keep it around 300 words, or less)
3. Send it to darajeanhillstrom@gmail.com
4. Forever be a recorded part of the tapestry of Nede's life!
Thank you for doing this and giving Nede a gift to always remember all who love her so much.
Much love back to you!
Friday, April 10, 2015
beauty from ashes
Dear Soul,
I've seen you before.
Too many times.
I recognize those eyes
That posture of shame.
I wonder at the story
but really,
I don't care
because
because that was then
And today,
with what we have
I come
I come to say
"He makes beauty from ashes"
I don't need to know
because
He
"is close to the broken-hearted."
The shame can be left at the cross
The regret
Wear it no more
Abandonment
It was never meant to be ours
He promises
"I will not leave you or abandon you"
His "mercies are new every morning"
So soul,
We are here
To "mourn with those who mourn"
And to remind you of the promise
"He will wipe away every tear"
He will
And, before then
Remember
"He makes beauty from ashes"
May you find beauty,
Soul
And rest
The promise is ours
"joy comes in the morning"
Soul!
It will be
It is ours
BEAUTY FROM ASHES
I've seen you before.
Too many times.
I recognize those eyes
That posture of shame.
I wonder at the story
but really,
I don't care
because
because that was then
And today,
with what we have
I come
I come to say
"He makes beauty from ashes"
I don't need to know
because
He
"is close to the broken-hearted."
The shame can be left at the cross
The regret
Wear it no more
Abandonment
It was never meant to be ours
He promises
"I will not leave you or abandon you"
His "mercies are new every morning"
So soul,
We are here
To "mourn with those who mourn"
And to remind you of the promise
"He will wipe away every tear"
He will
And, before then
Remember
"He makes beauty from ashes"
May you find beauty,
Soul
And rest
The promise is ours
"joy comes in the morning"
Soul!
It will be
It is ours
BEAUTY FROM ASHES
happiest girl in the whole USA
To all of you who have worried about me over the last 7 years, for anyone who wishes I weren't here because you don't understand here, this song came on on my iPod today and I thought, "it's so true."
You need to know that I am HAPPY!
You need to know that I am HAPPY!
And, God deserves to hear me say often, "Thank you for making me the Happiest Girl in the Whole USA!!!!" (Okay, I know I'm not in the USA but, you know...)
We are doing so well here.
Friday, March 20, 2015
i hope you see JESUS
Oh, I love Fridays. My day to "refill". Because after 4 days of giving, I need to breath again. So, tonight there'll be clean sheets on the bed. A fresh pie for my husband. Maybe even some homemade bread. As I sip my peppermint mocha (all made at home of course, I didn't swing by Starbucks-- oh, how I wish!) I think over the week...
..."Can you believe that we're doing this Rebecca? Four years ago when we sat together at our house, you going to school, me a single mom to Nede-- I never would have imagined that we'd now be working together-- walking at the end of the world until I'm sunburned to visit palliative care patients." (Me in my happy place with Rebecca yesterday.)
..."My life has changed since you started visiting. I used to be suffering but now that you're helping me my life is so much better." (Our elderly man with an unknown neurological problem leaving him with significant neurological pain.)
..."This radio (audio player with stories/music Chad put together for my patients and their families) is helping me so much (after the lose of her husband). When my heart feels so sad, I listen to this and there's peace and healing." (A grieving woman 1 week after losing her husband only second to having already lost 5 children.)
..."When I was young I used to be beautiful like this white girl!" (A confused 98 year old with a dislocated/broken ? hip-- our newest patient.)
..."Since you've started visiting I'm feeling better. My friends are now visiting me again. I got to go to church last week and now the church people are coming to my house and praying for me and sweeping my yard. Thank you for how you've changed my life." (Our young patient with tuberculosis and HIV. After Rebecca did an HIV teaching to her friends and family there's a change.)
..."Rebecca, do you see what the Lord is doing? To be honest I don't know how to start this program. I don't know what I'm doing. But, we are trying. We're putting in a lot of effort. People know we care and the Lord is doing big things. The people think it's us but it's God. In our obedience He's working in their lives. Things are changing. Miracles are happening but...they need to know that it's Jesus." (Dialogue with Rebecca after a rewarding visit.)
Which, today, on my fill me up day, leads me to listening to this song, again and again....
Because, THEY NEED TO SEE JESUS!
..."Can you believe that we're doing this Rebecca? Four years ago when we sat together at our house, you going to school, me a single mom to Nede-- I never would have imagined that we'd now be working together-- walking at the end of the world until I'm sunburned to visit palliative care patients." (Me in my happy place with Rebecca yesterday.)
..."My life has changed since you started visiting. I used to be suffering but now that you're helping me my life is so much better." (Our elderly man with an unknown neurological problem leaving him with significant neurological pain.)
..."This radio (audio player with stories/music Chad put together for my patients and their families) is helping me so much (after the lose of her husband). When my heart feels so sad, I listen to this and there's peace and healing." (A grieving woman 1 week after losing her husband only second to having already lost 5 children.)
..."When I was young I used to be beautiful like this white girl!" (A confused 98 year old with a dislocated/broken ? hip-- our newest patient.)
..."Since you've started visiting I'm feeling better. My friends are now visiting me again. I got to go to church last week and now the church people are coming to my house and praying for me and sweeping my yard. Thank you for how you've changed my life." (Our young patient with tuberculosis and HIV. After Rebecca did an HIV teaching to her friends and family there's a change.)
..."Rebecca, do you see what the Lord is doing? To be honest I don't know how to start this program. I don't know what I'm doing. But, we are trying. We're putting in a lot of effort. People know we care and the Lord is doing big things. The people think it's us but it's God. In our obedience He's working in their lives. Things are changing. Miracles are happening but...they need to know that it's Jesus." (Dialogue with Rebecca after a rewarding visit.)
Which, today, on my fill me up day, leads me to listening to this song, again and again....
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
i loved today
I loved today. It's always a victory when you try something new and it actually works (and people actually show up, on time! Okay, roughly on time.)
Last week we (Rebecca and I) had an idea. With broken hearts for our patient who feels isolated, abandoned and depressed we offered to do a teaching session if she would try to gather her friends and family together to learn. Well, today it actually happened. About 12 people gathered to learn about the very prejudices and stigma they've been demonstrating to their friend (mostly stemming from fear and being misinformed). I am overjoyed! Teaching as we work out palliative care in place of such need. I loved today!
We pray the seeds were planted and from it good fruit remains. Most of all, that she'll feel loved through her difficult journey.
(Rebecca did great! She's being the change in her culture!)
Saturday, March 7, 2015
mvura ya upenhu
You may be wondering how my endeavors of palliative care are coming along. Well, my coming home from work one day and saying to Chad, "I feel great! I love this!", should be a good indicator. Don't get me wrong. It's super, duper hard. I hope last week we experienced one of the most difficult cases we will ever have to deal with. If it gets too much more challenging than that I'm not sure we'll be able to keep on. But, with his mercies new every morning...I think we will. I know I'm working right where the Lord has called me, so, with this knowledge, we'll keep keeping on.
Let me try to summarize.
I have started training 2 young Mozambican gals in the hopes that this program isn't always dependent upon me. There is a lot they can address on their own as we try to face social, psychological, spiritual and physical problems. I, or someone else, will likely always have to oversee the physical bit but we're working to try to learn many non-pharmacological interventions and the use of adjuvant medications since Tylenol, ibuprofen and aspirin are the only pain medications we have available.
We have received authorization to accept patient referrals from 1) the nutrition clinic where I have worked for the last many years and 2) a geographical area which is very much in need-- very rural with few to no health care options.
A typical week recently includes a lot of driving. Between running Nede to school twenty minutes in the opposite direction of my work I then set out on a drive anywhere between 30 min- 1 1/2 hour drive (depending on how many slow/broken down trucks I get behind and to which area exactly I'm going). This week I took this car, into areas I should not have challenged it to:
Yes, that car! (Note: the ground clearance is far from adequate for bush whacking!) In areas where the grass was nearly higher than my windshield, believe me I was praying that I wasn't going to have to call Chad and try to explain to him where we were broken down (over an hour away from him). Yes, we need a motor bike! Needless to say I'm charting new waters of a rural area which is absolutely breathtaking. I walk away feeling that, if you're in good health, the simplicity of living off the land with your family is a beautiful way of life. It's when you're not healthy that I can't imagine.
For example, the women who has either had a stroke or has a degenerative neurological disease that leaves her hardly able to walk. Thankfully she isn't in a lot of pain but in her old age she sits, watching life pass. We weren't able to admit her onto our program because she is so difficult to get to. (After driving over a mile where I should not have been driving and walking another 30 minutes after I finally said, "I'm not taking my car any further.") Practically we can't help this lady. And, she isn't as sick as so many others. She doesn't need our services. Yet.
Our next stop was to a man who was dead set that he was born in 1066. We finally convinced him that it must have been 1966. My best guess in looking at him would have put his DOB at 1915. With his paralyzed legs and blood pressure of 200/118, yes, he's on our program but there's so little we can do. We pray, "Lord have mercy." We remember him, and we pray. That is a lot.
Our next stop was a dying man being held in the arms of his wife as he coughed and sputtered. Culturally they feel they need to feed him porridge, even in the state he was in. We educated. We asked and prayed and explained the dying process. Again, we asked for mercy.
This was one day. The other patients that we see include our poster boy who's miraculously over come tuberculosis, a maxillofacial tumor and some how his enlarged heart shrinking back to almost normal size. Unfortunately he still has HIV which makes him sure to have challenges down the road. He's our greatest joy of the week. We laugh together, sing, act silly and, he's now known and that is bringing healing.
We have one other patient who looks older than the red dirt we trod. She too has suffered a stroke and just sits. Smiling and corresponding but she sits and watches the corn grow. When we gave her an audio player to hear Bible stories and songs, in her native tongue, it was a true beauty of bringing 21st century technology to the Mozambican bush. No such thing has ever cross her path. What a blessing to know her.
Our other patient is text book. Unfortunately I would have thought her to be text book of the early 1990's but living about 4 miles from my front door she's a reflection of AIDS stigma. Mother of 2 with tuberculosis and HIV she feels abandoned by all those that she called friend. Her family is afraid to touch her or to help her bath for fear of getting "the disease." Next week we'll call together her friends to show them that we sit on the same mat as their friend, we hold her hand, we sing with her. We hope to teach them that you can maintain a friendship EVEN after someone finds out they are HIV positive. For her, we do our best to keep her comfortable, we shower her with our love, we pray for her TB to respond to treatment and for her ARVs to have the Lazarus effect. And again we cry out, "Lord have mercy!"
And by the end of that week, I'm tired. But even so, I'm well because I believe so strongly in what we're doing. I'm ready to rest with my family and enjoy all that the Lord has given me in the last several years-- a beautiful daughter, an equally amazing husband, and now, the opportunity to do work I'm passionate about! And tonight I say, "Lord, thank you for your mercy!"
Living Waters Palliative care because we hope to be: "as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.” John 7:38
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
dive in. heart first.
I stumbled across this picture the other day, on a day when life was hurting. Oh, the memory of this photo brings me back to "Dara Day" just days before my wedding, the most glorious day yet. I often think of life and death (I hope that's not weird?) and I think this is the logo I want to live by.
Life is diving in heart first
On days when life is hurting quite intensely, I think on this. Is it okay to lead with the heart? To dive in with my heart first? I guess the consequence is, potentially, lots of hurting days.
Today should have been one of those. One of those days that sends me back to bed in sobs. But, you know what? It turns out it isn't because, on this dive with my heart first, Jesus dove right before me. I could almost feel His splash. It was so obvious to me that my heart was right where it was suppose to be. I was in the right spot, still riding on His waves.
Palliative care shouldn't be an easy thing, no where, ever. But, when we found him in that state and everyone kept just walking past-- a crippled man laying in the dirt. We stopped. We dove in with all our hearts. We laughed together and my heart broke for the tragedy of the culture and the tragedy of the situation. But when She reminded me of the story in Luke of the Good Samaritan we both knew that this jump off the high dive was the right one. His presence was so evident today. Nope it wasn't easy. Not. At. All. But I made it through with confidence knowing that I've done the right thing by diving in heart first. He has met us here and He holds my heart.
My encouragement to you is this..."Go on! Jump! Dive in. Heart first!" because it's here where you're held and, if you're near enough to Him, you may even ride his waves, and oh, let me tell you, what a glorious view!
Monday, January 19, 2015
do you see JESUS
Several weeks ago I was going through one of the hardest things I'd felt for quite awhile. I had been asked to visit someone in the village. The problem was that the wound this patient was struggling with smelled bad. Like really bad-- and, in a mud-sauna-like-house, "No, thank you, I'd rather not." Like all his family and the community around him, I'd rather not.
Finally I relented and said yes. And while I was there, even though every ounce of "me" wanted to run and never return, I knew stronger than my fleshly desires, that this is exactly where Jesus would spend his time! I knew without a doubt that we HAD to visit regularly.
As the weeks went by, each day I didn't want to go visit, I never knew if my stomach would be able to cope or not. But, of course, after each visit, my heart grew more fondly of the person. Of the soul that was so desperate and suffering.
Do to logistics, currently we're not allowed to do much medically but, we continued visiting faithfully and WE WERE PRAYING.
And, dear friends, accept this with utmost humility, my husband just called me. He called me to say that one of his workers came to him this morning to say how much better this patient in the village is. The village is talking about how much better this man is! He has been out scooting around in the wheelchair that someone got him. He is out and about and everyone knows that this is miraculous.
It is my friends, I put yogurt on the wound! Yes, yogurt! And it's healing, it no longer smells and there is fresh pink flesh! Get this Loved ones, he lives in a mud hut. He drinks water from dirty cups. He washes and cooks for himself with paralyzed legs and with only what's within arms reach. His nutrition is minimal. There's nothing significant that has changed to bring about healing. And now, a few weeks later, he's scooting himself around in a wheelchair without having had a single prescription medication.
I don't care that the village is talking about what "we're doing". Because hear me again, we did nothing more than yogurt, visit and prayer!!!! What I want the village to talk about is Jesus! I want them to SEE JESUS! Because, I thought this one would need an amputation if death didn't come first. I thought it was beyond hope. Do you see it friends? Do you see that this was Jesus? When's the last time that you heard of a wound, exposing bone, that was healed by a bit of yogurt?
Do you SEE it? Do you SEE that it was Jesus?
Let's talk about that!
Finally I relented and said yes. And while I was there, even though every ounce of "me" wanted to run and never return, I knew stronger than my fleshly desires, that this is exactly where Jesus would spend his time! I knew without a doubt that we HAD to visit regularly.
As the weeks went by, each day I didn't want to go visit, I never knew if my stomach would be able to cope or not. But, of course, after each visit, my heart grew more fondly of the person. Of the soul that was so desperate and suffering.
Do to logistics, currently we're not allowed to do much medically but, we continued visiting faithfully and WE WERE PRAYING.
And, dear friends, accept this with utmost humility, my husband just called me. He called me to say that one of his workers came to him this morning to say how much better this patient in the village is. The village is talking about how much better this man is! He has been out scooting around in the wheelchair that someone got him. He is out and about and everyone knows that this is miraculous.
It is my friends, I put yogurt on the wound! Yes, yogurt! And it's healing, it no longer smells and there is fresh pink flesh! Get this Loved ones, he lives in a mud hut. He drinks water from dirty cups. He washes and cooks for himself with paralyzed legs and with only what's within arms reach. His nutrition is minimal. There's nothing significant that has changed to bring about healing. And now, a few weeks later, he's scooting himself around in a wheelchair without having had a single prescription medication.
I don't care that the village is talking about what "we're doing". Because hear me again, we did nothing more than yogurt, visit and prayer!!!! What I want the village to talk about is Jesus! I want them to SEE JESUS! Because, I thought this one would need an amputation if death didn't come first. I thought it was beyond hope. Do you see it friends? Do you see that this was Jesus? When's the last time that you heard of a wound, exposing bone, that was healed by a bit of yogurt?
Do you SEE it? Do you SEE that it was Jesus?
Let's talk about that!
Monday, January 12, 2015
imagine. real love.
He's only 8 years old.
Most probably he sat along side as his father died.
Then his mother.
In the meantime, I would assume, there was no one there to care for him.
Maybe it was because of fear of the "spirits" of death that had already taken the father.
Maybe it was simply fear of "the disease".
Whatever the cause, he was in "a state."
He was suffering.
Now, thanks to the Lord's healing, he's better.
Not great but definitely better.
And, if you sat with me for just even a few minutes, I'm confident, you'd look into his eyes and feel what I feel.
Feel the need to love him.
Feel the need to do whatever possible to alleviate his pain.
He'd wriggle his way into your heart and you'd be here with me.
And just imagine this being his requests from life.
I asked him, "What can we pray for you when we're at home?"
No toys.
No trips to Disneyland.
Not even ice cream and Fanta.
Nope, plan and simply.
"Pray that God will help me grow well and that I can stop drinking these pills."
No smile.
No selfish desires.
Just the simple request to be average, to grow well and be without disease.
It's sure not fair.
But, I feel so blessed to know him.
So fortunate to love him.
So grateful to look deep in his eyes where, at times, I'm sure I see a reflection of Jesus.
I'm sure of it.
Come, come with me and look deep into wounded eyes.
Because this is real.
This is life
And.
This.
is.
Love.
Most probably he sat along side as his father died.
Then his mother.
In the meantime, I would assume, there was no one there to care for him.
Maybe it was because of fear of the "spirits" of death that had already taken the father.
Maybe it was simply fear of "the disease".
Whatever the cause, he was in "a state."
He was suffering.
Now, thanks to the Lord's healing, he's better.
Not great but definitely better.
And, if you sat with me for just even a few minutes, I'm confident, you'd look into his eyes and feel what I feel.
Feel the need to love him.
Feel the need to do whatever possible to alleviate his pain.
He'd wriggle his way into your heart and you'd be here with me.
And just imagine this being his requests from life.
I asked him, "What can we pray for you when we're at home?"
No toys.
No trips to Disneyland.
Not even ice cream and Fanta.
Nope, plan and simply.
"Pray that God will help me grow well and that I can stop drinking these pills."
No smile.
No selfish desires.
Just the simple request to be average, to grow well and be without disease.
It's sure not fair.
But, I feel so blessed to know him.
So fortunate to love him.
So grateful to look deep in his eyes where, at times, I'm sure I see a reflection of Jesus.
I'm sure of it.
Come, come with me and look deep into wounded eyes.
Because this is real.
This is life
And.
This.
is.
Love.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
standing against pain
And this is why we're here...
Mvura Ya Upenhu (Living Waters) Palliative Care. We want change! Pray for our baby steps.
Monday, January 5, 2015
happy new year
Happy New Year!!
Yesterday Chad and I were asked to share our "story" with a team visiting from South Africa. I couldn't believe the butterflies I felt as for the first time, we shared our life stories together. As we wrapped up I realized that was just the way I needed to start the new year. It forced me to sit down, reflect on what God has done and, through my emotions and tears of the story I realized, again, how good God has been to us. This past year so much happened. There was so much good that happened. There were struggles but it always ends good. As we start a new year, we anticipate much good. Likely many struggles also but, we must always remember that when the time comes when we get to look back, we always see. Always. That it was good! Loved ones, Happy New Year. May you be able to see all the good in 2015!!! xoxo
-Our love
-Our love
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