receive and rest

Yesterday we were visiting one of our palliative care patients. He lives quite "far from civilization" by American standards in little more than a child's play fort, in our eyes. And, as per usual, after visiting for a couple months, he's in my heart and I love these visits.

As I was sitting with him, trying to figure out what more we can do to keep him comfortable and help him pass his days, today my thoughts were different. More than anything I wanted him to feel close to the Lord. With the fullness of my heart I wanted him to receive forgiveness, to have peace, to know that even if his legs aren't healed and he never walks again he can/will have the promise of complete healing one day-- he will be free from suffering and, he will no longer hurt. I wanted it so much for him. I wanted to just say, "Receive it. Believe it and rest in it. Do not let your heart be troubled my friend (John 14:27)." I wanted this for him. More than any pill I could give-- I wanted this!

But then, then I realized, is this how I'm resting? Is this how I'm walking today? If so, why was I up in the night worrying last night? What makes me unsettled? Hmmm....now I've been thinking.

Why is it so much easier for me to see for my patients the depth of God's love for them? Why do my words so easily flow, with all belief, sincerity and desire, for them to accept all He has for them?

Of course I deeply want all these things for myself as well but I'm full of excuses. "This is just too stressful." "I'm just tired!" "It's hard living here." Waa-- waa--waa...

So I guess, it's time I preach to myself. It doesn't matter what wars we've fought in. He doesn't care that we've goofed.  Or that we're tired. Because, who we are....okay, okay. Who I am today, is good enough. It's perfect. He's got ever detail I'm concerned about. He knows my every thought. He's got it all. So have peace.

Have peace Dara.

He's the keeper of my soul.

I do want this desperately for you too. Let's work on it together.

Let's receive, and rest, my friend.

she loves her daddy

 I suppose we all keep learning about our children as they grow and we experience new things with them,
We've been having a family beach holiday over the last 5 days,
I've been reminded of the "newness" of our family.
Not so much Chad to me, but more Chad being Nede's father.

Part of these days have been robbed from me,
I've made myself a victim to worry,
I'm angry for it, but it happens.
I didn't quite relax.

And then yesterday, I watched intently while Nede played in the Indian ocean with her father.
My memories are from years ago, our first trip to the beach, whe Nede couldn't scale me high enough to avoid the waves,
But now, now today she plays with SUCH courage,
- Wanting the giant waves to take her out.
- Wanting to be washed up on shore.

As long as her father's watching, she knows she's safe.

If Daddy dives through a massive wave,
Nede tries (but with her nose plugged).
If he did a flip into the crashing wave, Nede soon learned.

As long as her father is near, she's safe.

As I watched this little copy cat,
I realized,
She's 100% confident with her father.
She trusts him completely.
She loves him fully.
She's found joy insurmountable in him.

And it hit me...
I need to learn what my daughter knows.

Do I live with my heavenly Father as she does with her earthly one?
Am I 100% confident in Him?
Do I trust Him completely?
Do I really love Him fully?
Fully enough not to worry?

Because
My Father is watching,
He always IS near.

I am safe.

I too, am safe.