a Christmas miracle

They said don't try again.
I'd be a waste of money.
I cried.
A lot.
I thought, "Really God is this where this ends?"
"That's it? Go back."
Crying.
Then I asked for prayer.
And people around me rallied.
A lot.
They prayed.
From every corner of the globe.
I still said, "Really God, I can't do this again."
Emails rolled in.
Letters poured in in support of Nede and me.
I kept on crying of the goodness of my friends and family.
I remained scared.
Terrified really.
With arms raised by others, begging for mercy,
waiting for grace,
The plans came together.
We set off on a bus.
Together.
My daughter and me.
They picked us up, our new friends, we'd never met.
We were loved and held.
We slept.
I woke up early hearing Christmas music and smiled.
Turns out, no one was playing Christmas music.
We got ready.
My stomach soaring with butterflies.
We drove.
We prayed.
We faced the door and I breathed deeply.
My heart pounded, almost out of my chest.
Nede?
We approached the bank teller window.
"Isn't she just adorable."
"Yes, she is, isn't she?"
A few questions.
A bit of typing.
"Okay, come back tomorrow. You're going to America."
"Really? Oh, BLESS YOU! Thank you. Merry Christmas!"
Hugging.
Screaming.
Smiling.
Holding.
Dancing.
Breathing easy.
MIRACLE!
My Christmas MIRACLE!
With my daughter, in America with our family and friends!
GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST AND PEACE TO HIS PEOPLE ON EARTH!
For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a savior!
One who years and years later continues to intervene and perform miracles.
Many, many miracles!
...and there was much rejoicing!

(Nede's drawing of Christmas in America. Her wearing her warm clothes with all her cousins, Auntie, Uncle, Meme, Grandpa, Auntie Jessica and more of mom's cousins-- a Christmas tree and presents)

happy thanksgiving

So this isn't how I planned to spend our Thanksgiving day. 

Nope, not at all. 

Two weeks ago my goal posts moved, 

off the field actually. 

Leaving me dumb-founded, 

wondering what this is all about. 

I never spent a Thanksgiving day walking around a mall all day.

But I also never dreamed about being at a mall with my beautiful daughter, 

treating her to ice cream just because we can.

Nor did I ever know to dream of taking my little Mozambican bush-baby to a 3D movie 

on Thanksgiving day.

Even though this wasn't in my plans, 

this family made a Thanksgiving meal for us--

to honor me and my culture.

And when we went around the table saying what we're thankful for, I wept as I thought about all we've been through this year.

 And how God has held us through it ALL!
I thank Him that I'm still standing.
I thank Him for "family" all around the world.
I thank Him for my daughter.
I thank Him for his provision.
I thank Him that I read his word and can remind myself that he IS faithful.
He IS good.
His ways ARE perfect.
His timing is NOT "off".
And I have SO MUCH to be THANKFUL for--
So, so, so much.
And, even if I don't understand this,
I must keep hoping, trusting and walking forward.
Because, just because this wasn't in my plans,
it doesn't negate His promise that his plans are better than my plans.
On this I must reflect this Thanksgiving--
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, 
declares the Lord.
as the heavens are higher than the earth, 
so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and snow come down from heaven,
and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
it will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy and be lead forth in peace;
the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, 
and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.
Instead of the thorn-bush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord's renown, 
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure forever." 
Isaiah 55:8-13
May YOUR ways be seen as GREATER as we give Thanks this day! 
Happy Thanksgiving.
xoxo

we need HIM now

These lyrics have been running through my head these past few days.

If We've Ever Needed You 
Hear our cry, Lord, we pray
Our faces down, our hands are raised
You called us out, we turned away
We've turned away

With shipwrecked faith the idols rise
We do what is right in our own eyes
Our children now will pay the price
We need Your light, Lord, shine Your light

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, we're reaching out

All our hearts, all our strength
With all our minds, we're at Your feet
May Your kingdom come in our hearts and lives
Let Your church arise, let Your church arise

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, we're reaching out
We're reaching out

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, we're reaching out

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, reaching out

We need You now
Revive us now
We need You now

Please pray for Nede and me as you never have before. We need HIM NOW! 

2 things to share

Sometimes, not often enough, I open my eyes and see the beauty of the Lord in creation. 

Always, I want these words to be how I live:

One thing I ask from the Lord,

    this only do I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the Lord

    all the days of my life,

to gaze on the beauty of the Lord

    and to seek him in his temple. Psalm 27:4

Periodically I find scripture, old, but as if for the first time, and I ponder:

¹⁰ Here is my advice: It would be good for you to finish what you started a year ago. Last year you were the first who wanted to give, and you were the first to begin doing it. ¹¹ Now you should finish what you started. Let the eagerness you showed in the beginning be matched now by your giving. Give in proportion to what you have. ¹² Whatever you give is acceptable if you give it eagerly. And give according to what you have, not what you don’t have. ¹³ Of course, I don’t mean your giving should make life easy for others and hard for yourselves. I only mean that there should be some equality. ¹⁴ Right now you have plenty and can help those who are in need. Later, they will have plenty and can share with you when you need it. In this way, things will be equal. ¹⁵ As the Scriptures say,

“Those who gathered a lot had nothing left over, and those who gathered only a little had enough.” 2 Corinthians 8:10-15

And so it is, we keep trucking along, desiring to see the beauty of the Lord, to be in his presence  in a world of injustice, surplus and lack, trying to put the pieces together and in the process, waiting on him. Thanks for being on this journey with me, as I try to understand more and more.  

part of why i love her

Singing this song, a toothless grin, a big hug after a hard day. I love her! 

arise!

The battle feels extra heavy right now.

The resistance pushing in near, very near, 

As if I'm hitting the wall at mile 21.

I can either walk and let the cramps settle in and slow me down or,

I can put my head down into the wind and press on.

I can continue, in confidence knowing that I've worked hard unto this day and the Lord, who is faithful, will help me finish.

His glory at the finish line will be like few have ever experienced.

The victory will be bigger than you understand, the details that you don't know, God does, and HE IS WORTHY TO BE PRAISED! 

More than ever the battle is heavy. 

We will not do this on our own.

This morning when I listened to a podcast about the body, the Church, and everyone's role in it, I was sure that this is our time. 

The BODIE'S time. 

You MUST commit to praying for us over the next 48 hours. 

Friends and family of Dara! ARISE! 

Friends I've yet to meet, ARISE! 

Adorers of a precious 7 year old, Nede, ARISE!

All those who take the Bible seriously and understand that true and lasting religion is to care for the widow and orphaned, ARISE! 

Those who want to be part of an INCREDIBLE triumph and victory and who this Christmas will sing with the angels with new meaning, "Glory to God in the highest and peace to his people on earth!" ARISE!!! 

Ezekiel 20 says, "The people of the land practice extortion and commit robbery; they oppress the poor and needy and mistreat the alien, denying them justice. 

'I look(ed) for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land...'"
Let him find us!

I'm asking, please, arise, build a wall and stand in the gap on behalf of Nede and me. 

For these next few days ARISE and PRAY! 

Body of Christ ARISE! 

For to Him be the Glory, NOW AND FOREVER!

The battle is heavy but He promises victory. Arise!

happy 7th nede

I was delighted to spend 6 hours making a cake yesterday (only had 1 round cake pan so I had to bake 3 different cakes).

And I love seeing the joy in this smile...

And I can't believe I've been part of this life since she was less than 3 years old!

She's just so much fun!

Who else can carry off a lady bug right on the tip of their nose?

And I delight in having each of these little lives apart of mine!

 I love you Nede and all your little friends!
(Her real bday is on the 25th, the day after my sister's. There will be more celebrating then as it's a public holiday...no school!)

i don't accept this

Yesterday when I was driving through the chaos to pick Nede up from school I couldn't believe how normal it seemed. Between the people selling bras and bananas, juice mix and junk, bicycles, reckless drivers, walkers, wandering children and the familiar "crazy people", I can't believe I no longer have heart palpation's and, that once familiar, fear of this place. I remembered when I hated coming to Chimoio and I usually let Laura drive because I preferred not to. Now it's just normal, I peacefully maneuver my way through the confusion several times a day. This has become my normal.

What hasn't become normal is the negligence of human life. Yesterday at the clinic I saw a young mom with her 7 month old baby weighing in at 3.5kg (7.7 lbs). The child's skin hung on her petite bones. Her mouth, covered in white yeast, was one of the causes of her wailing when I tried to give her her milk that she so desperately needed. The mother had done nothing that we had asked her to do the week prior. As a result, this peanut lost 200gms. I felt infuriated. I used to think the natural thing was to fight for life-- to try to care for a human being. This women lacked the will to fight and the desire to try. I spoke and I explained. I asked her to please go immediately to the hospital. I wasn't convinced she was going to go. I gave her money for transport so that couldn't be the excuse to keep her a way. But the whole situation was still unsettling within me. Thankfully, when I went to leave shortly after this, I saw her. I stopped my car and got her in-- I would drive her to the hospital door myself. I want that baby to live!

I don't know if the hospital admitted her. I pray they did.

I've been wrestling with this all too common scenario. I'm sure it all comes back to my world view and how different it is growing up in America. We have NICU's and PICU's and ICU's and ambulances that are actually available and hospitals that have supplies and we can get medications without bribing the nurses and we get treatment relatively easily. From my earliest years, I knew my parents would do everything they could to keep me healthy and well. They straightened my feet and straightened my teeth! They taught me that my life was valuable and I now know that it is.

Suppose they hadn't done these things for me? Suppose their parents had died in a brutal civil war and they were taught nothing? Suppose they were infected with a virus that they didn't understand and were shamed and outcasted because they had the ugly 3-letter taboo? I guess had I grown up in these circumstances EVERYTHING would have been different. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

So...with that recognized, I can expect that this is the mentality but I will NOT ACCEPT it. But how do I do anything different? How do we influence a culture? How do we, as children of a loving God, help to teach the value of a life?

I'm wrestling with this. I never want this part of my life to feel normal. Sometimes I'm scared though, because sometimes I find myself just wanting to accept that "this is how things are here". I didn't accept this for my daughter and I don't want to accept it for anyone else's.

At the end of the day, all I know is that I don't know, but He does. And He hates injustice.

And...I don't even know how to end this blog...as I remember the screaming baby I held yesterday I don't know what conclusion to come up with. I just don't understand. Really, I'm glad I don't have to, I just pray...

Lord, give us wisdom for each day...

a prayer for adoption

Today I've been reading my book of Common Prayer: A liturgy for ordinary radicals, by Shane Claiborne and others, and I came across this prayer. Will you pray it with me?

A Prayer for Adoption

Generous and divine trinity,

we give thanks for the presence of our holy brothers and sisters.

We give thanks that you created the world,

though it turned from your ways.

We give thanks that you began a people to bless this world,

though it did not always bless.

We give thanks, with greatest reverence,

for the gift of your Son, Jesus Christ,

who indeed blessed the world.

Thanks be to you for the signs and glory of the Lamb of God. 

In him, we are all adopted children of God.

We are brought into the divine redemption,

which now subsists in each embrace,

each extension of love.

Each sacrament,

each kiss and act of service.

May the adoption of this beloved child Nede be blessed.

Almighty God, you adopted your people in Egypt,

and they came out into the wilderness to pitch a tent.

May we the family of this beloved child enjoy the presence of God in the tent of life together

as we look toward the pillar of fire by day--

a sign of your coming glorious redemption;

and the pillar of cloud by night--

a sign of your presence amid our trials and darkness.

In Christ, the Son of God,

there is neither adoptive nor natural parents and children. 

We are all born again in the Spirit of God.

This Spirit redeems us with the substance of faith, hope, and love.

May this child be blessed by the mysterious presence, mercy, and grace of the Trinity,

Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Amen 

3 things that make me smile and 1 unusual moment of gratitude

#1: Yesterday Nede and I were bent over the tub washing some bedding and Nede said, "Wow! Look at this, 2 people washing. One Mozambican and one American! Wow!"

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#2: This morning while Nede was eating breakfast I was reading Psalm 40 out loud. When I read "...the Lord is thinking about me right now." She said, "That's not true, he's always thinking about us. That book is wrong!"

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#3: Two fresh strawberries from our garden!

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 #1: Last night when I took Nede to the toilet at about 10pm I was changing her sheets when I found this, was live, scorpion INSIDE her mosquito net. That's the first time I've ever been grateful I had to change her bed in the night!