every last breath is sacred

Sometimes I feel like my world gets so small here. I have traveled back and forth weekly, daily, in a 20 mile range. I have spoken to the same 15 expats and had the same Portuguese conversation with every Mozambique because that's all my language abilities allow for me. I haven't watch anything outside of kids movie or episodes of the Big Bang theory (I'm not complaining-- bring on season 7) for well over a year. I'm bad at reading the news because the time I take to sit at my computer I get distracted and would rather read a blog or shop through TitleNine. But recently, through some blogs I got sucked into the news and followings of dear Brittany Maynard. For a few weeks I would wake up, Googled her name to see what the latest was. And, like many, my heart broke when I heard that she had died. As a hospice nurse and a strong believer in the philosophy of palliative care and hospice, I got all heated up many evenings as I read the latest. I know that I have only heard a fraction of this story because I'm not in America at the moment to understand what's going on. But I couldn't help but think, why is palliative care and hospice not being spoken of? Why is the palliative care model of "there's never nothing that can be done" not being considered? I know that I've never walked with cancer or had someone closest to me suffer and walk the difficult journey, but as a hospice nurse I have walked with many. And, each patient that I have cared for I have considered it an honor to believe that there's ALWAYS something we can try to alleviate suffering. I have worked with hundreds of amazing people who also believe in this philosophy and have dedicated their lives to palliative care and hospice. I have been taught by many the beauty that we can't always take away the problem but we can ALWAYS walk along on the journey.

Through all of this I have been moved by others who are walking similarly challenging paths of cancer like Kara Tippetts and Maggie Karner. Their approach to their prognosis is completely different than Brittany's. They desire to make the best of every moment that they are allowed. I think they would say that yes, cancer is robbing them of many good things but they are choosing to fight the devastation to the very end-- trying to milk every last drop of goodness from their sweet lives. As a semi-newly-wed I can't imagine giving up even one second that I could possibly have with my husband or any of my family and friends. And, as a hospice nurse, I know there are many with great passion to turn life-robbing diseases into journeys of peace and, quite frankly, filled with dignity. And, when done well, this can be strikingly beautiful.

My perspective also changes as I step out in palliative care here in Mozambique. In a nation where the life expectancy is 49 years old (UNICEF, 2012), where the pain medications available are Tylenol, Advil and diclofenac, I think it's fair to say that there are loads of people here that would willingly sign up for a program that promises to say "we will walk with you and never succumb to saying, 'there's nothing we can do.'" Because there's always something, at least in America, there's always something. I think the difference is that here in Mozambique the attitude is always (or most often) "That's life. What can you do?" Burial after burial all that one can do here is keep walking on in hope. And they do, they are always hoping for more. And, in America the moment we feel like we've lost "control" we fight to gain that control back. When really, we weren't meant to be in control (nor do I want to be in control of my life because, it's guaranteed, I'd goof it up. I hope my life is an example of that, by giving up "my" control and having faith in Him who loves me and always has good planned for me (us). My life is far greater than what I could have accomplished alone.-- that can be another blog:) Each breath is counted, each breath is valued-- whether here, where too many breaths are cut short, or there, where we (try) to "control" our every breath-- every one is held. Every one is precious and every one is Holy.

Try explaining health care options including physician assisted-suicide to a nation with a life expectancy of 49. Life's precious my friends. I only dream of giving people here a few more years, days, seconds of sacred breath.

So, now, as I close my computer, leaving the land of "control" on the other side of the pond, I enter back into my world of a 15 mile radius without the options of treatment or choices. As I do, I pray for those with cancer, those with AIDS, those children dying of malnutrition. I pray that someone near to them will walk closely on their hard journey noticing every breath, holding every moment and recognizing the giver of every good gift.

Because, Dear Ones, they are indeed, sacred. Every. Last. Breath.

Scriptures to consider: Psalm 103, Psalm 139, James 1:17

I pray every last word here is accepted with deep love and care.