it just looks weird

Last weekend we were all a bit unwell. We didn't leave the house on Sunday. We did pull a book off my shelf that I've had for years, but never read, "Sunday's Best: Messages from today's most outstanding Christian leaders". The first one was by my friend (I wish), Francis Chan. As Chad read aloud to Nede and me it was one of those times I was awed again, awed at the perfection of what I needed to hear right now. At one point I actually said, "Can you skip this part? I'm feeling a bit convicted."

It was about being courageous. And how we become less courageous as we grow older-- "God is strong-- am I?" And as he read, of course, I'm convinced. What do I have to fear? I have the Spirit of the living God living in me. My heart gets it when Francis says, "What I'm saying is that we're children of the most powerful being in existence, and it looks weird when we're scared."  Of course it does. But why is it so hard?

The whole Bible is about being strong and courageous-- about people doing wild things like sleeping with lions and being in furnaces (no thanks!). And even when we grow up hearing and believing the power of God's perfect protection and provision, it doesn't take long until the world tells us not be believe this foolishness.

A couple nights after reading this we were praying with Nede, I did (in my head) exactly what Francis said, I've believed the lies of the world. I thought, "Oh, when Nede realizes that what she's praying isn't possible." She, with so much hope and confidence, prays regularly, "Lord be with the poor people, help them to know you and trust you. Be with all the people in the world to have a good night of sleep and to know you. Thank you for everything in the whole wide world, we love everyone in the world."

Oh, the lies from the garden that I believe and that I'm ready to teach my child! No! I won't, I don't want to! I want to be the one learning from Nede, not her learning the lies I've believed over my years of falling-- falling further from my child-like faith. Francis says, "There was a confidence that my God will come through." Nede's got it. She's said it to me before, while rubbing my back, "It's okay Mommy, God will help us." And it is true! When did I lose my confidence?

I too want my faith to get stronger, not weaker, as it has been. I don't want to get more timid, I want to be more bold. I don't want Nede to make the transition in her prayers from where she is now, to where I am. I want to pray like Nede. There is a confidence that MY GOD WILL COME THROUGH.

For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!" Romans 8:15

I cry out, "Abba! Father!"