shoot. another lesson in obedience.

I felt nervous to go to clinic today. Because, I had to back track some steps. My steps of disobedience.

Four weeks ago my Little Guy "I'd like some rice and fish now" came to the clinic. He wasn't well. I happened to have brought some new clothes for him that day, clothes Nede picked out for him because he has worn the same red sweat pants every visit to the clinic. Likely his best. On this cool day I added his new long sleeve shirt to what he was already wearing but he kept on shivering. He said he felt fine. His Vovo (grandmother) also confirmed that he was fine. But, it wasn't THAT cold. Why was he still shivering? I guessed that if I took a cold water bath on this morning I'd be shivering for the next 3 months as well but, he's a bit hardier than I am, he shouldn't be cold from a bath.

I took his temperature. Normal.
I listened to his lungs. Fine.
No other obvious acute illness.
Other than the fact that he has abdominal tuberculosis and HIV I can't find anything else wrong.
I guessed that those 2 huge diseases within themselves could be causing the tremors and, if that was my assessment, there was nothing else I could do.

I didn't feel right in myself as I prepared to send him home. I thought, "this isn't looking good, what if this is the start to another end?" As a staff we talked about taking him home so that we could know where their house was for future needs. But, for whatever reason, I decided that we'd do it next time. I can't recall if I had a good reason to not go that day or not. Would I be late to pick up Nede? Was I just tired of the challenge? Bottom-line. I didn't go.

For 4 weeks I waited. Hoping. Praying I didn't miss it again. My Little Guy who we already saw go from glory to glory Eating rice and fish was teaching me a lesson. My worry wasn't necessarily that he'd declined and died (which I obviously hoped wasn't the case) but my greater concern was I had had the stirring to do more and I hadn't. I was disobedient. I know I myself can't take away his TB and HIV but I have (tried) to commit myself to walk with those I'm asked to. Had I missed it with him?

This morning, a frigid one, apparently no one wanted to be out (yes, 44 degrees is cold with no indoor heating), there was no one waiting to be seen at the clinic-- the perfect time to go look for my Little Guy. I was afraid. What if he had died? What if he was suffering in the hospital. We set out-- filled my car with fuel so we'd be sure to have enough in case we were gone for a while searching. As it turned out, this time "very close" actually was very close. I parked my car under the mango tree as this stranger who said she knew my Little Guy led us to the house. I could have screamed and done a little dance as we walked down the hill, I saw Little Guy playing with some other kids. He immediately came over to greet my friend and me. He was okay! His Vovo had been sick and today she was in Chimoio selling bananas.

Oh, the relief that came over me as he sat on my lap. Of course he's not well but he's the better. He wasn't shivering on this cold morning. And, I pray he now knows I care. And, when the Lord asks me to "go" next time, I hope I'm able to respond.

But, for today, I enjoyed another visit with my Little Guy and we'll see what more we can do for him. I thank God for the grace of today and for having mercy on me while I keep on learning.

Another lesson in obedience....