amen

Sometimes, after being here so long, I forget to feel and evaluate the world. I get lost in the confusion of who I am and where I'm from and where I'm living and what I am now. My favorite author says it all better than I ever have or will, oh how I wish Ann Voskamp could be my friend:
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/06/a-letter-to-the-north-american-church-because-it-is-time/

through the eyes of my child

While Sarah and I were inside having a chat Nede did a portrait of Tabita. I love that Nede went in the garage and got some charcoal to color Tabita's legs more accurately. 

we've come a long way

As the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so are my ways higher than your ways

    and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9

On Sunday we celebrated. June 16th is, and always will be, a special day in our house. June 16, 2010 was the day Nede came to live with me. That was the day I called Rachel saying, "Rachel, she's here, now what do I do?"

This year is different from the last few. Now, 3 years later, we started the day with Nede making a phone call, "Good morning Chad, Happy Father's Day!" If there were a gauge on my happy-o-meter it would be like on the cartoons where the springs break through! Yes, it was a special day, even though we are on different continents.

Had I known 3 years ago that the valley would be long and hard but what was in-store would be higher and better than where I thought I was heading, everything may have felt different. I hope I'm learning through this and I hope you all, who've prayed us to this point, can feel the role you've played and celebrate the joy that we're celebrating. We've come a long way...

(Nede's first night with me, 2010)

(2011)

(2012)

my life is beautiful

Many times, probably more than I realize, I've written about what you do when life leads you to a place you never imagined. I've struggled trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do when I felt like life left me in place I never wanted to be in, a place I didn't know how to get out of. I've been in that place. I was "stuck" in that place for quite awhile, you all know this. I didn't see a way out and even though I'd been told, "It's not always going to be like this", I'm not sure I believe it. I wanted to accept that statement, but I couldn't help but feel/think "well then, how long is 'this' going to feel like forever."

Now reflecting back I'm ever so grateful I hung in there. I'm seeing that there was always just enough hope to keep me hanging on. I guess, really, deep down, I did believe the statement that God wasn't going to leave me in that seemingly desperate place.

And now, even though my environment and situation hasn't necessarily changed, my whole life has changed. Now I sit here pondering and thinking about how to live when you're life is so good. What a difference it is to find myself in this place, a time when I can't believe what wonders and miracles and beauty are in my life. What do I now do when I find my life seeming too good to be true? (What a more enjoyable place to be in!:)

I listened to a podcast last week that helped me sort through this. I know very well that I'm not worthy to be in this wonderful love story that I find myself in. I know that the Lord, once again, is showering me with his grace and covering me with his mercy, lifting me out of the pit that I had found myself in.

In a message by Greg Boyd entitled Crazy Love, Greg speaks about how Paul lived his life. He lived his life with a crazy love because he believed in a crazy beautiful gospel and a crazy wonderful God. Greg states that our culture/society/worldview has conditioned us to think that if we find ourselves in the midst of something that seems to be too good to be true, then it probably is. (I'm not saying that that million dollar sweepstakes you get in the mail tomorrow is real, keep reading.)

I've found myself feeling this way over the last 6 months of my life. When I look at my fiance and my daughter, my life feels too good to be true.

In Greg's message he's helped me straighten this out in my heart and mind. In summary, Greg says that if something feels too good to be true then maybe you're moving in the right direction-- embrace it. Because, "however beautiful you see God, he's infinitely more beautiful than that. However good the good news is, its infinitely better than that. The beauty of what you see will determine the beauty in which you live."

Wow! That's it. I serve a God who loves me in a crazy way. He's led me through a crazy life. But in his goodness, he's now given me a crazy love and if I allow myself to really reflect on the beauty of my Creator and Father, then yes, the beauty in which I see does make my life too good to be true! My life is beautiful!

Mae G: Inspiration

I'll call her Mae G. She used to come into the clinic a bit like the Tasmanian Devil. You knew her life was in disarray.

Born a month early, she couldn't tell her twins apart. Her husband had died leaving her to care for 3.3 lb twins, on her own with the occasional help of a 10 year old. Along with collecting firewood, hauling water, washing clothes by hand, working in the field to secure some food for the year, walking for miles to get to the clinic or hospital, visits to the witch doctor to look for some hope somewhere...of course her life would be in disarray. She tied strings on the children's ankles to tell them apart, often clothing them in 5-10 layers of clothing because once, as preemies, she was told to keep them warm. 

At one point, the twins were struggling so for life that Mae G was sure one was not going to make it. She kept on keeping on though, doing her best.

Last week when I saw Mae G coming up the path I said under my breath, "Oh, I hope I don't get them today!" But, to my surprise I was blessed beyond belief by Mae G and the twins visit. 

She did it! She fought, she did her best and she's winning! Her children have life. They made it.
I discharged them from our program that day. She doesn't need us anymore. She's making it at home. Perhaps we encouraged her. Perhaps we empowered her that she could do it-- that she must keep fighting when she was sure she was about to lose one of her babies. It doesn't matter what kind of an impact we had, what matters is that these kids have life! This life of disarray could have ended much differently.

 I couldn't help but laugh as I watched Mae G pack up her bag for about 45 minutes before they headed out the gate. I laughed in reading the notes that we wrote over their almost 2 years with us. How does this woman do it? Her life IS a storm. It's no wonder things felt chaotic when she sat in my chair explaining her problems to me. I wouldn't make it a day in her shoes!

As I watched them walk away, I was touched. I was moved by the strength of this woman. Out of love for her children she made the trek to our clinic every 1-2 weeks to receive milk to feed them. I would understand if it was too much time, energy, money to make the journey-- likely, at times, on an empty stomach, through the rain, and waiting ages for transport. I do not know how she does it. And though I chuckle at her chaos, really she's my inspiration. By the grace of God she did it! Well done Mae G. May the grace of our Lord Jesus go before you. And little ones, grow you little peanuts, you are loved! 

all in a days work

...and when there's no such thing as day care, what do you do with your kid? You bring them to work with you...

 ...and she continues to bond with her guard friend...

 ...and she bags milk to give to children who are now in the position she was once in...

...and she cares for and entertains the child who's mom is down with malaria...

...and she sits soaking in the situations, either falling in love with medicine or being scared away from it...

...and at the end of the day I say "Wow, thank you Father and thank you for letting me bring my daughter to work"...

the least of these

What if I really understood what Jesus meant when he said, "whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40?

just because

Nede's just got a way.
She loves people,
And in turn,
They love her.
She's found her way into the heart of one of the guards at the clinic,
And he in ours.
This week he presented Nede with a bag of oranges.
Just because.
Just because they care about each other and smile deeply when they see each other.
And, in response, Nede gave up her sugar cane someone had given her just moments before.
Something she'd been asking for for days.
She passed her beloved sugar cane on to her dear friend.
Her dear friend, just because.
Just because they know what it means to love another.
And this, this brings great joy to my heart.

aids, malaria and diarrhea

He asked how it felt to be back working at the clinic.
I responded, "Well, I'm back to the world of AIDS, malaria and diarrhea."
I guess I knew it would happen,
When life slowed down enough and I was able to reminisce over the last 5 months of pure bliss.
It's quite weird though, isn't it?
Going from the land of plenty to now, where I'm debating and making decisions for babies, teeny tiny babies.
This week I held twins,
One 1.8 kg (3.9 lbs),
The other, 2.2 kg (4.8 lbs).
Mom died.
Now an auntie and an old granny are responsible.
They were well.
I sent them off, with milk for a week, to their home.
Probably a mud hut.
I remember the suburbs,
our family Christmas.
The zoo.
The aquarium.
Shopping.
Lattes.
Dinner out.
The pictures, the memories.
I'm still feeling quite jovial.
Still living in a state of gratefulness.
I still, after over 5 years, wonder how I mesh these two worlds--
One world of easily "forgetting" about the other,
The other always wanting to be part of the former.
My battle between flesh and my desires and
Living out what the Lord has revealed to me.
For now I believe I needed that family time,
the spoiling,
the JOY!
To hold these teeny, tiny babies again--
with hope.
Remembering that I've seen the Lord do miracles in my life over the last 6 months.
Reminded that He is my loving Father who gives good and perfect gifts,
in His time,
So that I,
remain grateful, faithful and leaning on Him!

(A mural that's been painted at the clinic property, a beautiful view for those passing by)

back "home"

We've made it back to Mozambique. After spending about a week in southern Moz at the beach we ventured the 1000km back to our home in Chimoio. Nede, as usual, has just taken everything in stride. Within minutes of our arrival home she was wearing her tu-tu, had most of her clothes out of her closet and was outside "cooking" in the dirt. Our guards welcomed us with open arms and Nede's been at a new school for 2 days and loved playing basketball and cricket yesterday!
We're still awaiting our internet to be connected at our house so, more when that happens. In the meantime, pray for us as we readjust and start facing the challenges before us once again.