Carlos’s sweet daughter Jessica enjoying some sugar cane
Pascuali and Gabrielle as they spent the afternoon “helping me” plant some plants outside my house
Tusha (my real helper and friend) after we planted. Now just as long as the cows don’t eat them…
Most days I look at my surroundings, my experiences, my plans (as uncertain as they are), my life and think how did I get here and how am I coping?
I don’t have any answers to the above.
Only God knows and it’s CLEARY ONLY by His Grace that I make it. I’m just little ol’ me from the sticks of Northern Minnesota.
I have a hunch you all may wonder “what exactly are you doing there?” Well, no day is like the next but I’ll give you as best explanation as I can.
I am NOT working as a nurse. Currently my role with Hands at Work is to “support” local volunteers. Most recently I do this by working with 3 Mozambican men who are part of what we call our Hands at Work Service Center. The last few weeks we have been working together to write proposals and report to connect the demands of the 1st world donors with the needs of the 3rd world’s poverty. Many days attempting to make these worlds conjoin seems impossible. The easy route would be just to "do it for them” but in all reality, that does nothing for them for the day when there isn’t a “westerner” here. The heart of Hands at Work is to build capacity in local volunteers (from local churches) to care for the poorest of the poor in accordance to the Biblical mandate to care for orphans and widows.
So, “typically” I:
Throughout this seemingly structured day there are undoubtedly NUMEROUS interruptions of children wanting food or love and attention (from the mission/orphanage in which I live but have no ‘work’ commitment to), adults requesting food or money for something or another, individuals needing a ride to the hospital or money to buy timbers to make a coffin for their loved one that died last night.
Recently, if I am not working in the office I may go out and walk with volunteers doing their home-based care visits. This is what I love to do but it does take a toll. Seeing real community life is hard. Death, disease, extreme poverty, brokenness, child-headed households are the focus of every individual we encounter. My western mind is to fix all this. I can’t. We pray and work together to do what we can for one at a time.
The rest of life here keeps me very busy. Fighting the daily infestation of ants continues. The pump for the water is also broken so refilling water containers and keeping up on activities of daily living take excessively more time than in the West. A weekly trip to Chimoio for groceries takes a full day and planning for incase there is no milk or fuel for the car or propane for the stove seems to exhaust me as it challenges my planning skills.
With my spare time I enjoy coffee with the numerous friends I have here, reading, running and sleeping.
There’s no “typical” day, but this is how it could look if I was able to “plan” it.
It’s a long one, but, it’s been a while:) Much to my surprise it seems the problems (you’ll read below) have been resolved. I do have internet, text and phone capabilities again! Thank GOODNESS! I also need to mention that it seems some emails that I have been sending have not been delivered to people. I also know of a few people who I don’t receive messages from, so…please forgive me if I haven’t responded. It could be that I have tried and you haven’t gotten it or that I haven’t received yours, or that the internet hasn’t been working for weeks, or that I just haven’t written and I will when I can. Thanks for your grace! Here’s what been happening…
(This is a nice walk away from where I live—a place of retreat and real peace)
Written May 1 for blog:
It’s been a long time since you have heard from me. There are many reasons why, a lot has happened since my last interaction. The busyness picked up in preparation for the Hands at Work conference that was held here on April 22-24. I was honored to be here and be part of the preparations. Thankfully it was not my responsibility alone to prepare for the arrival of approximately 60 people. About a week before the conference 3 others from Hands at Work arrived here to the mission to help get things prepared. Upon their arrival I was no longer alone and thoroughly enjoyed having company to share conversation and tasks with.
Ironically, just hours before the arrival of about 20 people we quite a destructive storm blow in that displayed the first hail recalled for 25 years. In addition, trees came down blocking the driveways and multiple power lines where damaged resulting in a few days without electricity—just what I feared with the pending arrival of our guests! In retrospect it turned out fine, everyone had a dry bed to sleep in, the food was well prepared and water and candles are all one really needs for a good experience here in Mozambique.
It was a real encouraging time to have many from Hands at Work here and to be reminded that I am not in this alone. I am truly blessed to be part of this organization whose hearts beat to help the widow and orphan. In addition, it truly is like a family how they all care for each other—it’s a beautiful example of community and love.
(The first Hands at Work Mozambique/Zimbabwe Conference)
Since the 24th, when the majority of those attending the conference departed, I have continued to have the company of many Canadians :). There was a group of 4 that stayed on after the conference to see more of the ministry of Hands at Work here in Mozambique. It was again an honor to be a part of their experience. I was able to accompany them out to do home-based care (visiting children and patients in their homes), be part of workshops and times of encouraging the local volunteers we work with. It’s always a gift to be able to see things through fresh eyes.
As things started to “normalize” one morning last week we woke to no cell phone service. At first it was just an annoyance but then when we made a trip to town to do our weekly shopping we then realized that this outage also meant that the ATMs were not working. With minimal cash and no access to any finances things started to feel a bit more, um, uncomfortable?! Thankfully I am still accompanied by 3 fellow Hands at Work friends so we were able to pool our money and strategize the priorities for our funds. For the next several days we laughed and bantered about how the whole country is out of communication (so we were told). Apparently a ship damaged the fiberoptics (blah, blah…don’t know how any of this works) which has affected the whole country of its landline and cellular communication means. We laughed about how any number of things could be going on in the world and we have no way of finding out. It’s truly amazing how God knows who and what I need in my life at just the right time, even when I don’t know what I need. I am fully and completely grateful that I am not sitting here alone every night with no means of communication with ANYONE. It’s a HUGE blessing to have Jayme, Lynn and Marc here to work with and to enjoy. Again, it’s an incredible privilege to work with such amazing people who are dedicating their lives to fight for the orphan and oppressed!
I sure miss hearing from everyone. I look forward to when I can post this. There could be much more to say, but for now, the inconveniences of life help me to remember what’s really important.
Miss you.
Written earlier in the day on May 8, 2010:
Well, I am minimally back connected with the world. The cell phones seem to be functional again, although, without communication for so long the network seems a bit overloaded and it’s still not easy to make or receive calls. Still no internet- but, I write with hope. Hope that one day there will be! ATM machines started working shortly after the outage as well so no need to worry, I am well!
It’s getting quieter around here again. Jayme and Lynn left to go back to South Africa, now it’s just Marc and myself. It’s wonderful having him here. It gives us great opportunity for many discussions about life, our lives here and what the Lord is teaching both of us as we walk this journey.
Many days I ask myself, “what am I doing here?” The more I experience the more I realize the difficulty with development and the depth of the pain here (and everywhere?!). The more time I spend here the less I understand the culture and my heartaches for a solution, a solution that is not available. In the midst of the questions and struggles there are small things, small moments when I am affirmed, this is why I am here! When these moments come, I cherish them and cling to them until the next one awes me again.
I had one of those moments this morning after I had a rough start to the day. I’ve been really tired lately so I was greatly looking forward to sleeping in this morning. I was sleeping beautifully until 730am when I heard a loud rap on my back door. I heard it, acknowledge it in my head, did not recognize the voice so I thought, can’t be that important, I want to sleep. After 2 more repeated raps they left. But could I return to sleep? Of course not! I felt guilty for not having answered the door. But DON’T worry! They returned at 8am. I felt a bit cranky still so I begrudgingly opened the door and tried to muster out an appropriate “bom dia.” It was apparently clear that I had been sleeping and after some apologizes the man got on with the point of his interruption and asked for change for a 500 meticais bill! This didn’t help my frustrations. What could be so urgent that he needed cash right then? There’s no where to spend money right here! Anyway, it got me going for the day, maybe so I could get moving to have my small moment of affirmation.
Since I was now up I decided to stay up and go for a run. As I was completing my loop and was coming up the drive I passed two small girls. One looked about 7 years and the other 5ish years old. I greeted them, passed them and continued on. Then, above the noise of my Ipod I heard a few giggles. I looked over my should to see that I was being joined by these two small girls. There they were, little legs just a churning, carrying there oranges, smiling from ear to ear. We talked a bit. I learned there names. We picked up the pace and they accompanied me for about a half mile or so. Then, suddenly they said a little “ciao” and they were off up a trail on there way to their Vovo’s (grandmother) house. I waved and smiled. It was a small moment that made me glad I am here!
I don’t know that there was anything significance in that, but it felt significant. I seems important and it most definitely seems worth it. God uses moments like that to encourage me. It’s times like today that I am reminded that is is just where I am supposed to be for “such a time as this.” And, as long as I have those reminders, I am glad to be here!
(This mother is using her hand as a cup to give her child a drink—another simple thing)
(Can you see the man sleeping in the back of this truck we followed down the highway? These frequent interesting situations also spice up the days.)
It’s 10pm and I almost can’t believe it—the powers on, the water just came back on, my phone works and there is internet! I practically don’t know what to do first;) Thanks for the emails and concern from those of you who haven’t heard from me for a while. It’s good to know I am not forgotten:) Love you!
It’s been a beautiful day. It’s raining, the first in over 3 weeks since my arrival. I haven’t sweat a bead. As I sit here, a cool breeze refreshes my house. The powers been on and off all day and night. Never mind though, I don’t need it today. I’ve had all I need—time to rest, reflect and enjoy a few good books. And now, I sit with the opportunity to share with all of you, far away but so close to my heart.
It’s the simple things that have me hoping and content with life today. As I sit at the table looking out over the eucalyptus forest the mist continues to hang around as dusk is falling. Next to me I enjoy a simple luxury—an ice cold bottle of Coke.
I feel at ease today as I won the battle of ants that threatened my sanity for most of the week. I now can reclaim access to my kitchen counter as it has stopped looking like a moving sidewalk (moving with ants) and I may dare to put an item of food on it tonight in my dinner prep. Zenia, one of the girls from the mission, is a current hero in my eyes. She delivered to me a “mystery” powder from the Gondola market which, within minutes of a thorough sprinkle, thousands of millions of ants were falling to their death. Hopefully this powder isn’t too powerful of a carcinogen and I won’t be needing it often. Here’s a picture of what I swept off the top of an outlet (and the ground below) what apparently served as an entry point for these nuisances. Quadrillions of tiny ants…
It’s the simply things that make me REALLY grateful here. No more ants, coke from a bottle and the technology to stay connected. Also, as I lay in bed last night, listening to the rain falling on my roof, I started thinking of the homes of most people here—mud huts. How do they manage on cool, rainy nights like this? I drifted off to sleep praying for them.
I’ll never understand why I can blog on my laptop when the power is out with a bottle of Coke in hand in my warm, clean (relatively) house. I’ll never understand this but, I am grateful. Very grateful, for simple things.
My grateful heart feels peace and joy today.
On Tuesday Carlos and I went to Zimbabwe to work on my visa process so that I am allowed to stay in the country longer than 3 months. The day went without a hitch and we were on our way home before dusk. I was struck by a monolog Carlos had with himself as we crossed the border. As we entered Mozambique, there was the usual line up of semi trucks waiting to cross the border, or whatever they do. As we passed one situation we witness a couple young girls conversing with the truck driver. Carlos and I looked at each other, hearts sick knowing the connection between truck drivers, prostitution and the rampant spread of HIV.
Carlos then spoke:
“Whom do we blame?
Blame no one!
Blame hunger?”
I sat in silence. I SIT in silence. Thinking about this monolog. Whom do we blame?
Yesterday was Women’s Day. At times I feel like I am at a Mozambican Ladies Aid gathering. I find myself wondering, who am I and how did I get here? as I sit with this group of women. Surely they must be solving all the latest village problems and world issues as they speak Shona a million miles a minute. Occasionally I catch a word and join in on their laughter of things such as whether it’s more attractive to be “fat” and “curvy” or skinny! Voluptuous curves win out here!
It also seems that somehow the influence of the Western girls that have spent time with these ladies have now got them thinking they should start jogging—a completely non-African mentality. This had us all laughing as did the discussion as to what defines a women. There was much debate actually! Some say you need to be wise to be considered a women. Some say you need to have been through child-bearing and others say your a women at 18 years old, others say 25 years!
At the end of the day there were no problems solved and no jogging occurred. We laughed and we ate and I enjoyed my first Mozambican celebration of Women’s Day—an experience.
I guess I wasn’t prepared for the insult on my senses when I returned to do visits with the volunteers today in Gondola. Carlos was shocked afterwards when I said to him in Portuguese that “my heart is heavy.” I think he thought that I didn’t mean to say that.
I meant it to the core of my being.
The first visit we made was to a young lady who couldn’t have been more than 25 yrs old. But really, who can tell when you’re looking at a skeleton barely covered with flesh? The scene was straight from an awareness film regarding the AIDS pandemic in Africa. As the 3 of us encompassed her, she turned, as best she could to look at me. I pray she didn’t feel an ounce of shame in that moment. I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted to hold her. I wanted to touch her and let her know that she is NOT forsaken, she is not less, she is not untouchable. I held her arm, I stroked her skin wanting her to know she’s loved. Not by me, because of what worth could that even be? She is loved and adored by the Maker of the Stars. I pleaded for her. Her story is just the same as millions of others. Her husband died, she’s left alone with 2 kids, she gets sick, leaves her kids with her husband’s mother to come live with her mother as she now wastes away—starred at as if they’ve all seen this multiple times before, helpless and blind. She’s just one—one that won’t make it through the weekend. Two new orphans will be statistics in Mozambique soon. This story is far more than statistical.
It seems I have written this same story before. I’ll probably write another next week. It doesn’t end. I practically can’t stand actually being part of what life is like here, but even more, I can’t stand not being part of it.
What an honor it is to love. The Lord sustains me.
On a happier note, here’s another Dara I met in Mozambique today:
What have I been doing with my days? Well, I wish that I had miraculous stories to share. Maybe stories of physical healing or manna raining down from the heavens to feed the hungry or a revival of people coming to know and trust the Lord. I don’t have those stories to report. At least, not yet.
I don’t feel I have anything incredible to share as of yet but I can share a few things of what daily life is like.
Some mornings I come out of the bathroom to find a small face with little hands cupped up against my screen, curiosity just overflowing from the mission children wondering what “Sistah Dara” is up to. (Sleeping that’s what I’ve been up too!:)
And this morning I woke to an invasion of bees coming into my screened in kitchen/dining area.
I am not always confident God knows what He’s doing when He sends me off alone on adventures like this. I would rather defer situations like this to someone else. I’m typically okay with a little squirming, maybe screaming, and leaving the room. I did what I knew to do (sprayed Raid and left the room;) Usually a can of Raid lasts longer than 2 weeks doesn’t it? I’ve been busy fumigating). To no avail the bees kept coming. Manuel and Timosse both told me their two cents and assured me “Carlos is coming.”
Carlos came prepared. Before I knew it Carlos was waving flaming paper around INSIDE the house saying, “They don’t like the smoke, they’ll be gone soon! They don’t like the smoke!”
Ha! It worked.
If the morning hadn’t been exciting enough, when I finally got settled down to work on some computer stuff I was meant to do this morning, it wasn’t long before something started happening. I heard what I initially thought was some crazy thunder. I immediately looked up from my computer screen to Manuel and Timosse for some reassurance. They looked as confused as I was. It continued for a number of seconds and my table shook slightly. When it stopped, there were some unfamiliar Portuguese words exchanged (most are unfamiliar) and I guess, it was a “tremor de terra,” an earthquake!! Can someone please google and see if inland Mozambique really gets earthquakes??? What was that?
There you have it, some of the “exciting things” that have been happening. As much as I desire to see more meaningful things happen, and as much as I would love my life to be an intriguing novel of African miracles, some days I am just living here. Maybe I’m not here to solve any ones problems. Maybe I am just here to live life with the people, to walk beside them. If that is all I do here am I willing to trust God that that is enough? Is loving people not enough? I am not sure, but I think it may be.
Perhaps spending the afternoon and becoming friends with women who put chickens in beautiful baskets does more that is apparent.
I hope so.
#1: Abundant GRACE
Someone asked me the other day how I am doing. I honestly responded with, “Actually, I think God is being really good to me. I am doing pretty well, far better than I would expect.” Jacqui gently responded, “I think that’s what we call grace.”
I have been thinking about this since she said that. I started asking myself—what is grace? In my situation right now, what is grace? My definition is this: Unexplained okayness in difficult times. I realize okayness is not a word but it fits. Not knowing if I really am understanding grace here and now, I looked to my Bibles definition which states: God’s Free and unmerited favor toward sinful humanity.
Yes! That’s it. Completely undeserved okayness in a difficult time and place! God is SHOWERING me with GRACE! This is God at work in my life. I am experiencing undeserved okayness.
#2: Baby Dara
I had forgotten that just prior to my departure from Moz last time that one of the volunteers that I worked with (Mesa) had had a baby and they named it Dara! I saw Mesa for the first time today and the first thing he told me is that his “Dara” is now crawling all around! Oh!!!! I am humbled. I think this could be called grace too! Watch soon for a picture of Dara and Dara. I look forward to meeting this little one!
#3: Stars that Shine Brighter
It seems, hmm, what would I say? Ironic? Not really—Divine. I am currently reading a book called “God on Mute: Engaging the Silence of Unanswered Prayer”. It has touch many places in my heart as I do feel I am in a silent place in regards to a few areas of my life. Anyway, the quote that I want to share with you (written by Pete Greig):
I don’t know why your prayers haven’t been answered. But I do know that the very best thing about our lives—the most incredible thing we’ve got going for us—is that the Creator of a million stars is entirely and eternally good, that He is utterly caught up in the details of our situation, and that He cares for us more the we care for ourselves.
I love that. The Creator of these “stars that shine brighter” cares for me. He cares for you! And He’s gracious—so, so, so GOOD!
More soon! I hope you’re well and experiencing His GRACE too! XOXO
