happy thanksgiving

First thing this morning he said, "Happy Thanksgiving!"
And, for a moment I stopped to listen to my mom cooking in the kitchen, expecting to hear the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV, Dad'll be in his recliner. Oh, nope, not this year. And, a few tears are shed. I miss so much.
I head out with Nede to bring her to school because no one knows it's a holiday here. I greet my British friend and say, "Happy Thanksgiving!"
"Oh, it's Thanksgiving? Happy Thanksgiving Dara, what are you thankful for?"
And, faster than a race horse out of the gate I say, "MY HUSBAND! And the past year, and my daughter, and, and...." I could have gone on and on.

Because this year is full of Thanks. Two trips to America, one to marry the man of my dreams. So much to be thankful for.
To start our own traditions I spent the day busy, wanting to make today special when Nede gets home from school.
At the beginning of the week we asked Nede if she knew what Thanksgiving is and with attitude on her face and a wrinkled nose, you know the look, she says, "You eat TURKEYS!"
Well, not here we don't.
Tonight we'll grill burgers. We'll eat bacon wrapped green bean bundles, potato salad and three bean salad and finish it off with pumpkin pie and cinnamon roasted almonds, maybe even a pumpkin spice roobios latte! And, I know He hears but just to make sure He sees, we hang a banner that says, "THANKFUL!" Because, God, you need to KNOW this year, we are SO THANKFUL!

we're taking a poll

I was told marriage wasn't going to be easy. And I guess it's not. We're having some disagreements here.
It was all going fine and dandy until Chad has brought to my attention that apparently I sleep in, according to him, an impossible position. Now, unfortunately this isn't the first time that it's been brought to my attention, Deanna, as my college roommate made it clear to me as well. Apparently these 2 are convinced that it's absolutely impossible to sleep, comfortably and restfully, on your back, both knees bent forming a perfect isosceles triangle. Yes, they're supporting each other in the air. And, yes, I sleep soundly in this position. There is no need to announce, when I'm in a dead sleep "You're knees are up again!!!" (Thanks Deanna!) Or to be tempted to push them over, thanks Chad!

Another challenge in our marriage came the other day when Chad mentioned something about a "flock of mongeese." What? "That cannot be right", says Dara. "It most certainly is mongooses." Google agrees. Chad doesn't.

And, this one I have resolved, thank you very much you can see Orion's belt in the southern hemisphere!

So to help smooth over these 2 items of contention please comment  #1: whether it's absolutely humanly impossible to sleep comfortably with your legs in the position of an isosceles triangle (I strongly disagree with this) and #2: Mongeese or mongooses?

We're taking a poll. (And these are our biggest arguments, we're doing okay;)

"rice and fish please"

After about 11 months of bliss, butterflies and falling in love, I'm now back to working at the nutrition clinic. And yesterday, it was a bit too much. Yesterday life wasn't all as if I were wearing rosy glasses. Yesterday felt like an overdose of reality. Not "normal" reality in America. Not even "normal" reality of Mozambique. A typical day at the clinic usually means 2-3 of us nurses see 40-50 children who's mothers have died, or children who are HIV positive, special needs or are (or have been) malnourished.

Why did we see 4 severely malnourished children yesterday?

Upon my first arrival to the clinic I walked over to greet one of our workers. As I passed the baby weighing station I was stopped in my tracks when I saw a naked, wobbly-legged child standing helpless. A severely malnourished child. I walked into the clinic and shared with one of the other nurses, "There's a new child about 4 years old, SEVERELY malnourished waiting to be seen."

And then starts my internal battle, I hope that one doesn't end up in my chair. Mostly because I don't know what to do and what I can do doesn't feel like it's enough-- it's not.

He didn't end up in my chair, he sat in my dear friend's, and, as it turns out, he's not 4 years old, he's 7! Seven YEARS OLD! Immediate emergency siren ran in my brain. He's almost Nede's age. He is SO NOT NEDE! He weighed in at 12.4 kg (27lbs). Half the weight of Nede. And what got me the most? His eyes. His eyes!-- maybe because they're like Nede's, that of a fighter, a survivor-- his eyes still had life! His legs didn't have strength to ambulate him but his eyes had life! His sweet voice spoke in a whisper, "I'd like rice and fish now." His only request, "rice and fish please."

But, have I forgotten to say that his left cheek/face was severely swollen? Inside his cheek was severely necrotic tissue of some sort. Teeth/jaw bone/I-don't-know-what-was-going-on inside there-- infected, cancer, tumor, I don't know? No rice and fish today my little friend, sorry. And plus, we better treat your malaria too...

I was again, afraid. I didn't want to look inside his mouth for fear I wouldn't know what to do or it surely wouldn't be enough. But yet, I approached my fear and greeted him and rubbed his knobby little knee and asked if I could see in his mouth, he, without a grimace, kindly opened his mouth. And then, it was his eyes again. It was one of those that when I looked deep within, my breath gets caught, I almost chock, dry-heave. This happens to me periodically when I allow myself to feel, to be part of the situation, I see Jesus. I'm helpless and can't do anything but say, "Jesus help". And it's in these moments I know I'm right where Jesus says we should be, "Among the least" (Luke 9:48). And even though I know I'm with Jesus in those moments it's also those moments that I fight to not want to just turn my head, pretend it's not there and run away. I'd rather just stay behind my wall with my happy  family. It's the dirtiest, sickest, stinkiest situations in which I have to talk myself into not turning my back. Sometimes I even have to verbally encourage myself to "go on hold him even though he's soaked in urine and will likely wet you, he needs some love."

Of course I'm not at all proud of this initial, instinctive response, it just reminds me of how far I still need to come, how far from Jesus I really am. What hurts me the most about the boy yesterday is that he is old enough to know and recognize he was being neglected. He knows he wasn't being cared for and he's suffering. And there was a community around him somewhere that let this boy live this way-- malnutrition doesn't happen over night. And for this to still be happening, yes in a desperately poor country, but there is food around, there is access to help and food. This boy knows he'd been left for nothing and that's so absolutely not acceptable. So, even when my spirit wants to be like his neighbors were, to pretend I don't know this is happening would be utterly shameful and contrary to the very heart of Jesus. It is happening, it is reality and they need to be held.

(Out of respect and to maintain dignity for our little ones I don't feel comfortable posting pictures of such desperate situations. Hold them in your heart.)

you're going to be okay

(I wrote this about a month after our wedding, when I was reflecting in Belize, feeling an amazing sense of relief as I now share parenthood)

Of course I always dreamed of being married.
Yes, it was a desire since I was a little girl.
I worked through giving up this desire when I returned to Moz in 2010.
The desire had never left but the reality of the dream being fulfilled did.
So now, of course I'm ecstatic.
What I didn't know was the hidden blessing that was being fulfilled.
I'm no longer a single mom.
Yes, of course Chad is a magnificent blessing to me personally but to Nede and me collectively?-- PRAISE JESUS!
It's quite something what one can/does do when forced to.
I was a single mom-- a role I never imagined I'd be in and never want to be again.
My heart aches for single moms-- now more than ever.
It's SO hard.
It's the hardest and scariest, most important job anyone has.
As I look back, we made it, only by clinging to Jesus.
There were days when I would cry and my own Nede would hold my face and say, "It's okay Mom, we're going to be okay."
And we are.
I don't know the journey of all single moms' but I know "you're going to be okay".
We're with you and if I could (or can) hold your face and say "You're going to be okay", I would.
And, until then, I hope you're little one is.
YOU'RE GOING TO BE OKAY!
Cling to Jesus!!!!

(If I can be of support or encouragement to any single mom, there's nothing I would like more than to walk with you-- please email me.)

a year of celebration

Just over two months ago we had our wedding ceremony at Chad's church in Michigan.

Just about 6 weeks ago we had our 2nd wedding celebration at my parents house in Minnesota. 

Three weeks ago we had our 3rd wedding celebration here in Mozambique.

Because when God takes a young lady from Northern Minnesota to fall in love with a little lady in Mozambique who then quickly (well, eventually once they meet) fall in love with a young man from Michigan--it's worth celebrating! 

Because when you give up your dream of getting married to pursue adoption of this little lady and when you give up dreams to follow where the Lord is calling (to what seems like a no mans land)-- it's worth celebrating!

Because when you have family and friends all over the world who walk with you, pray with you and support you-- it's worth celebrating!

Because when God gives 2 people back a dream they had laid down and then blesses it tenfold-- it's worth celebrating!!!

Yes, this is the year of celebrating because one year ago today Nede and I headed to Maputo and were rejected a visa, devastated, we then met the man of our dreams and because of that, we're still celebrating! 

the colors of poverty

One of the first things that stole my attention upon my return to South Africa, which I've never taken note of before, were the clothes I saw hanging on the clothes lines in the townships.

They waved in the breeze, gingerly expelling their moisture as they showed off their colors. The dye was still present, the colors still radiant. There was red, there was bright pink, magenta and blue. This simple observation tells me that these clothes are new, new enough to maintain their hues. They haven't yet been washed in the stream of dirty water, been manipulated against a ragged rock to mimic an agitation cycle and they surely haven't been wiped overhead beaten on a rock to wring the water out; they haven't been worn and washed until the threads are bare and the holes out number the amount of covering surface area.

Conclusion: there's enough money around these parts to buy new clothes--periodically at least. The color is still in.

It doesn't take long once you get off the beaten path a bit, walk down a dusty trail and there's very little color. The mud huts are just that, mud. The children are dirty, from mud. The clothes are torn and dirty, from mud. The color of almost anything is the color of the dust of the land. The washing's been done in muddy waters in dirty places. In some areas there is no color left. No pretty pinks for your daughter to dress in. No baby blue to bring out your eyes. No red leather shoes to perfectly accessorize those favorite jeans. No color, just brown and worn.

These colors don't flap in the wind, they lay on top of rocks, on tall grass or on top of small bushes. No summer breezes of radiant color catch your attention in these parts. The colors are stripped, as are hopes and dreams. The colors of poverty represent the hard life-- a life stripped, of much.

This is what I noticed.

we are here

Nope, I didn't get married and fall off the edge of the planet. We have just arrived back in Chimoio and we're busy settling in. Nede's back to school and Chad and I have been busy making this house our home. Activities have included unpacking, shopping for a washing machine, and most importantly RAT HUNTING! So far 2 down. The little rascals made their way into our bathroom through the sewer and a new hole they chewed in our CEMENT bathroom floor! I know, how? My saying holds true-- Everything's bigger in Africa! 

More soon. I have so much to share, I have been writing some, just haven't gotten it up here. I'll summarize by saying that the last 2-3 months have been just amazing-- so full of blessings, we're in awe of all that God has done for us and of his faithfulness when we don't see the way! Thank you to all who have shared in our wedding celebration-- whether physically present or from afar we feel the support of so many and feel deeply blessed by you! All our love! xoxo

this week i will be wed

It seems ridiculous, really, that as I sat tonight, hearing songs that will be played at my wedding in 6 days, that I'm learning the biggest lesson of my journey so far. An elementary lesson...

I guess it struck me tonight because what's felt like a dream for the last 9 months is sinking in as reality-- the shocking difference is the state of my life from last year to now. Last August 19th, is still so vivid. The pain and difficulty, the struggle I was in the middle of, I think I can go so far as to say the "battle" I was fighting, still hurts. The place I was "in" still grieves me, still gives me that pit in my stomach, that headache that left me tossing in my bed, pleading to God.

It's so much more than just being "in love".

As I heard the songs we've chosen for our wedding celebration, I realized that I believe Jesus so much more than I ever have. I believe in a new way that HE LOVES ME! He showed me with his mercy. He SAVED us (Nede and me) by his GRACE! Alone. Only.

During times of immense struggle, he somehow gave me strength to keep clinging to Him, to keep crying out to him, to reconfirm to myself (on a daily basis) that my foundation is Christ-- somehow getting through that time now allows me to share today that I am 100% a new person this August 19th. He brought me through the dark valley and now has me shining brightly on another side! 

Tonight as I we sat hearing Chad's friends playing music, I remembered back to the words of Mana Heide a couple months back, "Dara, I so pray that the day that you stand before the Lord saying your marriage vows together with Chad, that the heavens rejoice so strongly that bonds are broken, that the earth changes. That this will be more than you marrying Chad, that your situation will change! You are victorious in Jesus name!" 

Oh, how I pray that that is true. As I continue to accept that God loves me SO much that I soon get to call this man my husband, it's my hearts desire that the praising and rejoicing that happens here this week shakes the heavens. I feel blessed beyond what my meek words can start to express. I praise God for the journey he's seen me through and it's my hope that we continue to praise him forever. And, that on our wedding day, the heavens will clap for joy,

Because, this week I will be wed, because He loves me.

he's mighty to save

We sang it in church yesterday, and I was again reminded.

Everyone needs compassion, 
Love that's never failing; 
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness, 
The kindness of a Saviour; 
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains, 
My God is Mighty to save, 
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation, 
He rose and conquered the grave, 
Jesus conquered the grave.

I remember when Jessica said, "I think this is Nede's song."

As I sang it yesterday I was assured that it is.

But maybe, it's our song.

Maybe even, it's more about me, than Nede. And, it's far deeper than Nede being "rescued" from anything.

It's about me. About how I was lead into a place where I had to surrender when I had everything stripped from me. At different times over the last several years I've had no "ability" to have ANY influence on my circumstances. I've not been able to influence anything/one to get the adoption complete. I had no idea how we were going to get a visa for Nede when I desperately needed to see my family. I had no idea how I would return to Mozambique to continue this journey-- I didn't think I could do it alone anymore. I had no idea God could bring me an American husband while I sat feeling "trapped" in Chimoio.

It's about me having to go through trials in order to be rescued because, I hadn't needed much from God until I had no strength left. I couldn't be rescued when I continued on in my own strength. It's about me when I actually needed a Saviour. It's about me and my faith.

He did and does move mountains.

And through this, finally being at a place where I had nothing left of myself, I was asking those hard faith questions. Up until the trials of the last several years, I believed because it's what I knew. It's how I'd grown up, it's what I had been taught. Now, I have a story. A story to celebrate. A faith that's my own, that's the rescuing story that Jesus writes. I needed to learn personally that He is Mighty to Save.

And of course there's more depth to this than just the big things I've listed. It's what God has told me and promised me in the secret corners of my heart. It's the comfort I now feel as we walk forward, victorious of our past. Knowing Jesus more closely and understanding him more personally-- as our mountain mover, our rescuer.

So...as I sit here, shoulders feeling heavy, I remember my mountain mover and I try (once again) to unload the burdens from my strength and give them to Him-- who hasn't changed since the last time I cried out, "Lord, help us!" Because...

Everyone needs compassion, 
Love that's never failing; 
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness, 
The kindness of a Saviour; 
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains, 
My God is Mighty to save, 
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation, 
He rose and conquered the grave, 
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me, 
All my fears and failures, 
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in, 
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains, 
My God is Mighty to save, 
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation, 
He rose and conquered the grave, 
Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see, 
We're singing for the glory of the risen King... Jesus 

My Saviour, He can move the mountains, 
My God is Mighty to save, 
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation, 
He rose and conquered the grave, 
Jesus conquered the grave.

My Saviour, you can move the mountains, 
You are mighty to save, 
You are mighty to save.
Forever, Author of Salvation, 
You rose and conquered the grave, 
Yes you conquered the grave. 
--Mighty to Save

rainy day cheer

Whose rainy day wouldn't be cheered up by this face?