Is this a problem?

I am wondering if this is a problem?...Yesterday I was talking to my sister on the phone and she said to my 2 year old nephew, "Taylor, do you want to talk to Auntie?" I say over speaker phone, "Hi Taylor, how are you?"
I then hear the little squirt say, "AUNTIE, NO!! No, Auntie, I don't have any money!"
I am not sure where that came from but it made me think, and laugh (he comes up with the darnedest stuff!).
It may soon be time for me to work on something more than my tan.
After having a great week with my cousin I continue to pray for clarity as to what direction my life is to be heading. Please join me in praying as I have some big decisions to make.
Thanks for being there for me.

I was reading a book today and as I was snooping ahead I ran across a quote that really spoke to me. If I would have read it a year ago I am sure it wouldn't have touched me. Reading it today I found it just beautiful. It helped me understand myself a little bit. Maybe it'll help you understand me a little as well, maybe it will help you think about something of yourself.
Donald Miller writes in Through Painted Deserts:

And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter...My hope is your story will be about changing...about learning to love a child...about learning to love others more than we love ourselves...We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?...And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.

Just beautiful.

Let's not be ordinary

Well, I hope you haven't stopped praying for me, and more importantly for Mozambique, Hands at Work and Rubatano.
I contemplated before returning to the States, will I keep blogging when I return to the US? I didn't think so. What would I have to talk about that I wouldn't already be communicating to the people closest to me. Well, here I am- blogging still. I guess I thought that once I returned from Mozambique my journey would be done- thus, any ones need to read my blog would also be finished.
I should have known better. I believe my journey may just be starting. I don't know what my next step in this journey is. I don't even know what I am doing this afternoon, yet alone tomorrow, next week or gosh, who knows, next month?? My heart starts to race just thinking about that.
So yes, here I sit at a coffee shop in what I think is Gilbert, AZ. Each day I wake with a prayer, "God give me some direction today."
It seems like it would be easier, I have been back a while now. It's not. I am told I may "just need time", "take care of yourself", rest, wait on the Lord.
So I am.
Who was I fooling that I thought I would just drop back into the land of opportunity and settle right back in?
The thoughts of malnourished babies are never far from my mind.
The voices of friends/volunteers saying, "I don't have money (25 cents) needed to take my child with malaria to the hospital."
The giggles of orphaned children still ringing in my ears.
The images of patients emaciated from HIV are real.
In a recent phone conversation with Carlos he said, "It's a very critical time here. The people, they are still hungry."
My heart is still heavy.
Yes, I know Jesus warned that the poor will always be among us. It's not my burden to take care of "the poor." But I do feel a responsibility to do my part. God opened my eyes to something more and I don't want to be ordinary. I don't want to just settle. I want to live big. This life is short and eternity isn't.
I don't want to be normal.
In the meantime, I don't know what that means but I believe there is something. I'll just keep praying, listening and hoping, hoping in more.

I wanted to share the newest video that Heather made about Mozambique. It's similar to some others I posted before but it's great. Sorry I am not techy enough to even know how to make a link but the address to watch this video about Carlos and Adao is:

http://vimeo.com/3573972

Also, if you had been financially supporting me I can't thank you enough for allowing the last year to happen. If you desire to keep supporting the work of Carlos and Hands at Work, please send checks to(not Highlands Church):

Hands at Work in Africa, USA
951 MacArthur Blvd
San Leandro, CA 94577

Or you can do it online on the Hands at Work website. www.handsatwork.org

Maybe someday soon I'll blog about what I am doing next. I will let you know as soon as I know...

Let's Pray

I am home. After a cancelled bus and lost luggage (it did arrive) I am settling in and trying to find my place. As I have returned to Arizona it feels like I never left. I find myself wondering if the last year really ever happened. The heaviness in my heart reminds me that yes, the last year really happened. It feels strange to be back. I don't know where my place is or how to make sense of things. To be very honest, like I always am, I can't make sense of the world. Perhaps I am not supposed to and shouldn't even try. I wonder who I am supposed to be. I AM of THIS culture, but a part of my heart has connected with another culture. That leaves me trying to figure out who I am in THIS culture. I haven't figured it out. I can't figure it out and I get overwhelmed and exhausted trying. Bearing this in mind, I ask for your grace. As I continue my reunions with my family and friends, please be patient with me. Be patient when I talk and make no sense. Be patient when I tell a story and can't finish it through my tears. And maybe you'll need to be patient if your with me and I have an anxiety attack when in the chaos of Walmart or the mall parking lot. Please continue your loving grace.
And the million dollar question...what is next?
Prayer- yours and mine. I need to continue to pray. Right now I have NO idea. I don't know where I will live or where I will work. I know that I am going to enjoy this weekend with Deanna- I CAN'T wait!! And I am going to spend next week with my whole family in Sedona- wonderful! I need this time. After that...I ask you to pray for me to have wisdom and desire to be wherever the Lord wants me, and to be willing to do whatever He desires.
More importantly though...will you keep faithfully praying for Mozambique- for Carlos and his family and all the dedicated volunteers that work with Rubatano? The last time I spoke to Carlos, before I left South Africa, he said, "it is bad here! The people are hungry! It is very bad!"
I asked, "Carlos, is it worse than before we left."
"Yes, it is not good and the volunteers, they are discouraged."
Now that I am not there, all I (we) can do, and the very BEST we can do, is pray! Please keep praying for these precious people that are struggling to have food on the table. What would that be like?
My motto for the year, which I often sang out loud to Laura, was this- "God will make a way, when there seems to be no way." I will continue to cling to this as I try to make sense of my life here, and their life there.
Let's pray, God will make a way!

Child-Like Joy

This morning I woke up and thought it was Christmas day. My nose, the only flesh peaking out from under the down comforter, was frozen. I looked out the window and it was dark and wet. I then slowly realized that I was in England, with Adriel and it is nowhere close to Christmas. I am not sure what I was thinking or hoping for. I don't know what I was dreaming about. Perhaps I was hoping that I was waking to a new Christmas morn where the fresh images in my mind of hungry, sick, poor friends was being washed away by a fresh blanket of fluffy snow.
Again, in my search for reality I had to remind myself that, though far away now, those images are reality. Those that I worked along side and became friends with are still there. That is their reality- they are still fighting, longing to sit where I sit right now.

I must keep praying.

I must obtain that child-like faith that God is working and answering prayers- even when I don't know how things are going.

I felt like a child this morning.

If only my faith was as strong as the excitement I felt this morning when I thought I was at my aunt and uncles house on Christmas morning.

As I keep praying, I will keep moving forward. I will look for that Christmas morning, child-like joy like I felt this morning.

I think I will have another glimpse of it on Friday at about 635pm.

Brrr....

I wish I could have watched Laura and I as we landed in London. We were traveling from one terminal of Heathrow to another. When the elevator door opened we didn't know they would be opening to the outside. Much to our surprise we gasped as the wind gust reached us and snowflakes fell on our cheeks. I think our reaction may have been similar to a villager looking at the New York skyline. The others in the elevator may have been wondering the cause of our surprise and over reaction.
Now as I sit, inside the flat, I am freezing. My African wardrobe, and blood, is very happy that I am returning home to Phoenix, not Minnesota.
It's great to be back in England. It's great to hear English all the time, not a myriad of other foreign tongues. It's nice to turn on hot water from the tap and drink from it without fear of parasites and disease. It's a relief to be in semi-familiar surroundings and to be with friends that know me outside of Africa. I am grateful for this transition time. I just still can't believe that the year is over. It was a year ago that I was here with Adriel and Joel. Now I am here with them and their 2 month old daughter- I have been away a long time. It went so fast. Each day, numerous times, I am still reminding myself that I am not going back to Mozambique- I honestly can't get it in my head. It still doesn't feel real, I feel lost in transition after living this transient life for the last number of months. I am eager to get to a place where I have people around me that make me feel "at home."
I woke up this morning and also felt confused that Laura isn't here. I have thought of one million things that I want to tell her even though we have only been apart for 24 hours. This will be yet another big adjustment! I trust that Laura has arrived home safely and is with her family now. I miss you Laura!
I miss you Mozambique!
I miss you South Africa!
I miss you Hands at Work!
I miss you family and friends.
Thankfully the best part of this transition time is yet to come. I will be able to at least talk to most of you very soon, if not see you and get lots of hugs. One 11 our flight done and one more to go. Friday evening I will step off the plane with lots of stories and a heart to share. I am looking forward to it.

Changed

Laura and I had the opportunity to fly to Cape Town last week. We returned yesterday. I am afraid we aren’t the best “tourists” right now. Cape Town is the most culturally rich place I have ever been. International travelers long to come to Cape Town to see the sites and soak up the history.



My experience was quite different. As I walked into the Johannesburg airport, I couldn’t help but think of my new, dear friends in Mozambique. Over the course of a few days I went from their world (a world I now am very comfortable in) to a new world. My Mozambican friends would be very shocked to see this different world of Cape Town. My eyes saw things differently this vacation.
As I entered this massive building they call a terminal, I went up an escalator, a strange concept of electric stairs. I walked up to a machine that eventually spit out a piece of paper that would later allow me to walk onto an airplane. I then headed to the bathroom. There I used a toilet that flushed automatically, a trash can that opened with out my assistance, water than ran when I place my hands near it. I then proceeded to walk by some people where I had to place my bags on this moving table and walk through a strange doorway. I continued to walk and look to a peculiar TV screen that had a lot of important information on it. From there I knew which direction to head. Finally, for the first time upon my arrival to this large building I was forced to interact with a real person. I didn’t need to say much, I barely exchanged a greeting actually. That simple, brief encounter gave me passage to sit on an airplane, which in a couple hours I would walk off, and enter the land of shopping, food and sightseeing.
These would all be strange experiences to my new friends. I believe if they had been with me they may still be wondering why I had so rudely walked past so many people without greeting them and asking how their families are.
I already miss life in Mozambique. I miss the simplicity of the value of relationship and quality time with people.
I didn’t fit into the life of Cape Town.
It’s hard to make sense of how I go from being with people who may not have food for their family, to dining in a restaurant of my ethnic preference.
With the cares of the world behind me I was able to ride on a boat and drink coffee, laugh and watch TV.
Or did I? Were the cares of the world behind me?
No, actually. I couldn’t leave my experiences behind me. I was there, in Cape Town, but I still was seeing beggars and I slept just miles from “townships” where people are living in extreme poverty.
I wasn’t comfortable in Cape Town.
Is this unfortunate for me, that I can’t enjoy a “holiday?”
Perhaps.
Am I in for a difficult transition back to the States?
Yes, most likely. Most likely VERY difficult.
Do I wish I weren’t feeling this way?
Maybe a bit.
Would I change anything about this last year and what I am feeling as I prepare to return to the US?
Absolutely not!
I believe these are all good struggles I am having. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing, and perfect will.”
Do I understand what God’s will is? His good, pleasing and perfect will? Absolutely not. But I do believe IN it.
Do I believe I am called to be IN this world but not be OF this world? Absolutely!
What that looks like I am not too sure of but I believe God will work it out in me as I take Mozambique home with me in my heart…changed forever and pleased to be!

South Africa

I am at an internet cafe at a mall right now, I am watching the cost of my time online climb up so I don't have much time, or piece of mind to really express much. I just wanted to let you know that I have made it safely to SA. I had a great birthday (thanks for all the bday messages!). It was really hard, really hard! to leave Mozambique. I think I will slowly adjust to life here, and then life back home. It's a rollercoast of emotions. I am trying to cling to the knowledge that I know the Lord is calling me home- for now at least. Tears come at unexpected times but I am in a good place. Thanks for your continued prayers and I hope to be able to write a more thought out message soon. A lot has been happening. Bless you all and I will see you soon!

Thanks

As Laura and I prepare to leave, Carlos wrote a thank you letter that he wanted us to share with those who have supported us so faithfully here. To all of you have been so supportive of me- thank you, not only from me but also from Carlos and those I have worked with in Mozambique.

Dear Supporters,
Greetings from the hottest country, Mozambique, and Rubatano family. From the depths of our heart we would like to thank you for your great love, care and generosity for releasing our two lovely family members Dara and Laura.
We, as a family, feel very blessed. The caregivers, OVCs (orphans/vulnerable children), patients, widows, volunteers, the chief and other community members are thankful and crying because our family is leaving.
Please stand with us in prayer so that God may bring them back again if their duty is not finished. The work was made light with their presence, and the difficulties became few. We thank God for allowing them to be born and that they heard Gods’ voice to care.
We are together in Jesus Christ,
Carlos Giua and Rubatano Family

(Our power is still not fixed- I just have few minutes of power while we are at a friends house...)

The Last Week

I am sitting here after a day of errands and running around. I am tried. It's pouring down rain outside. I have a sense of joy as I think of starting my journey back to familiar. It seems like not long ago I was making my decision to come here and now I am contemplating decision regarding my return to the States. Wow! What a year!
There is rumor that the electricity transformer near the mission blew up and we may be out of power (including water) for weeks to months. This doesn't really affect me- only for the next week. I want to write much more but my internet/electricity time is limited right now. I just wanted to update you- hopefully the transformer is fixable and I will have electricity in the next week, but, if you don't hear from me that is why.
Thanks for your prayers as I prepare to leave Mozambique. Please pray that it can just be such a great week of wrapping up and that my heart will feel ready to go on Monday.
I hope to write more very soon. If not, I will as soon as I can next week. Until then...